Saturday, February 18, 2012

♥ romance?

friday off day was great! went out with my mother and sister to bring my kitten for vaccination... orbin hates goin to the vet... and after the vaccination he is always tired... now he is slping on my lap while i m typing this... so is a little difficult for me to type this post... if u did see my facebook... u would realise i keep on saying tt i m veri tired and in reality i m really tired.... becos of my job... same old story... sometimes i juz feel emo all of a sudden and i dun wan to continue this anymore... but for the sake of money i cannot stop this job... i got a cat to feed and a baking course to go to... wad other choices do i have? haiz... i juz wish tt somebody can help me... and juz now i was reading some manga... and i realise tt having someone to support u and spoilt u and always be by ur side is something veri nice and sweet...

I AM GRUMPY.
2:01 AM

Saturday, February 11, 2012

♥ tiring days ahead...

WOOTS! another day tiring day for me... gone out with Sarah today for dinner... and den we juz keep on playing professor layton (sarah's long time no see game) haha! is fun playing this game together becos playing alone will have headache... anyway back to topic for today.... i m tired of my job lately... somehow is becos after i became a full timer at the pet shop, i became veri stressed up and became veri veri tired and i cannot even slp properly every night... and this cause me to wake up late or waking up but feeling restless and tired and this result in my forgetfulness which cause my work stress to go up and the vicious cycle continues if u noe wad i mean.. but seriously i still feel tt doin all this is not worth it... as in why the fuck should i work so hard when working part time is much easier than full time and the pay wasnt tt much of the difference?! haiz... i dunno wad to say... i check out the price of the course i wanted to take and i am eligible for the subsidies... but still i have to earn some money b4 i go... so maybe i will work 1 or 2 months more b4 i change back to part timer...

tired... really tired... i dunno why adults have to think so much for themselves and children can juz make their way through without even a need to think?

I AM GRUMPY.
1:39 AM

Sunday, December 18, 2011

yes... i cried again...

these few days keep on having the same dream...
is nightmare to me...

in tt dream i see him walking pass me... like a stranger...
in the dream i cried so hard and ask him not to go...
bu he didnt hear and walk towards another person...
hand in hand they walk into the church...

my chest feel pain....
suffocating...

I AM GRUMPY.
11:51 PM

Saturday, December 10, 2011

好问不问，偏偏问我我好不好！
你要我怎么回答你？！
我真的快疯掉了啦！！！

I AM GRUMPY.
12:42 AM

Sunday, December 4, 2011

他说他要结婚了。。。
我听说的时候，我本以为我可以就祝福也为他开心。。。
我本以为我已经放下了，不再去爱，不再去管。。。
但是为什么。。。我知道他要结婚了，我却一点也开心不起来。。。
而且一点也不想祝福他们。。。
心里酸酸的。。。只感觉到了一股厌恶感。。。
恨透了某个人。

是讨厌他要结婚的这件事，还是恨透要结婚的他们？
不。是自己。是恨透了自己八年来根本都没有放下对他的感情。
恨透了自己没有那个宽阔的心去祝福。
恨透了自己的软弱，恨透了自己那时没有好好的去争取，恨透了自己没有那个勇气放弃然后往前走，恨透了自己利用了这段感情让自己不再受伤害。
最恨的就是。。。自己既然骗自己说再也不管，再也不爱，找这个接口不再去碰这段感情，不去好好的处理这段感情。。。

现在我真的不知道要怎么办的好。。。
我不知道我还能不能放得下。。。
即使放不下，等到他真的结了婚，我还是得放开。。。
我现在真的要怎么办？
我的感情要往哪里放，该收在哪里？

I AM GRUMPY.
1:59 AM

Saturday, December 3, 2011

he is getting married and i m goin crazy!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid!

='(

I AM GRUMPY.
9:22 PM

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

long long long long long long long time nv blog liao....

cos now i m bored and lonely so i m here to kill some time but i dun think i will kill much time...

anyway... back to my main topic...
working life is some what acceptable to me now...
but i still feel lonely and empty some how....
haiz...
where have all the man gone to man...
i like them being gay... but at least leave some nice ones for me oso mah...

haiz... speaking rubbish now....
seriously dunno wad to do...
anyway if u do realise (good for u) i have added HMY 15th flash pic to celebrate minami sensei, higashino sensei and yamato sensei being an artist for 15years!!!! YEAH~!!!!
i wanted to congratulate them and thank them for providing all the drawings and stories i love for all my life and in their stories i also learnt a lot of things tt i can use in real life! (i dun mean the sex scenes! >.<)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! お祝い！！！
LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!

I AM GRUMPY.
9:51 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2011

hello everyone!
i havent been blogging becos i m busy with work and i dun have much energy and things to write anyway... haha!

but now i have somethings i wanted to write out here...
anyway, this is my blog so i m suppose to write however i feel and express myself...
so actually there is someone i like...
but is juz tt i cant tell that someone... in case that person wouldnt wan to be friend with me anymore...

if anyone can understand this feeling of mine... i will tell u everything... i have been keeping this to myself for quite some time alr... until today my colleague was talking abt her friend liking her...

haiz... but i can nv say this kind of thing... cos i noe things will nv happen between us...

I AM GRUMPY.
1:00 AM

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

心里现在很不好受。。。
但是哭不出来。。。

I AM GRUMPY.
9:45 PM

Sunday, June 19, 2011

♥ kite sunday~!

today i went to fly kite with my sister!!!
but seriously, our kite doesnt fly...
but luckily there some nice kite experts around there to help us with out kite.... becos our kite got stuck in a tree...

but anyway...

i got nth else to say... =P

tt's all for today~!

I AM GRUMPY.
8:36 PM

Thursday, June 16, 2011

♥ 气到爆！！！！

刚刚遇到了很不愉快的事情。。。
我很喜欢玩的DS游戏不能开。。。
现在非常地不开心！我总觉得自己很倒霉。每次喜欢玩的游戏不是坏掉就是不能开。。。早上完的时候还好好的，现在却。。。啊！！！！！讨厌死了！！！！
我的身体已经很不舒服了，它还这样对我！！！！

说到身体状况我也很生气。。。
我的感冒才刚刚有好转，但是我的肠胃却在这个时候跟我闹脾气！
肚子现在非常地不舒服。。。
但是没有比我的游戏不能开还严重！
有谁可以救救我呀？！

I AM GRUMPY.
12:20 AM

Monday, June 13, 2011

♥ 生病了~

最近都没有再写blog因为我生病了。。。

得了重感冒。。。现在还在恢复当中，不。。。应该是说在生病当中，因为我的病情好像没有什么好转。但是我也知道我的身体的其他地方也出了些问题。只希望会快点好起来，这样一来我就不会胡思乱想，心里总是忐忑不安的了。。。我看就先说到这里，改日等身体好一点了，再聊聊其他事吧！

I AM GRUMPY.
1:47 AM

Friday, June 10, 2011

♥ 小猫咪的梦~

昨天我又做了一个梦。这次我梦到的是6只小猫，非常的可爱！我梦见它们趴在我家门口，一直喵喵叫，我就开门，让后它们全部就跑进我家，把家里弄得乱七八糟！过后我就下楼买了一些猫食回来给它们吃。。让后我就从梦中醒过来了。。着梦很可爱因为有小猫咪，可是非常的无聊。。。现在真想养一只猫。。。

刚才跟Eliza聊了一会儿，希望她的身体能快点好起来，这样就可以陪我出去了！=)

I AM GRUMPY.
12:57 AM

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

♥ KUNG FU PANDA 2!!!!!!

today i went to watch KUNG FU PANDA 2!!!!!

it was super naise!!!!! and super random!!!! i juz love it!!!!!!

WOOTS!!!!!!

is all i have to say for now~!

i love her~! she is soooooo sweet!!!!

I AM GRUMPY.
8:16 PM

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

♥ 寂寞的兔子

今天不知道怎么了，突然觉得自己好像兔子。。。因为没有人陪在身边的我，感到格外的寂寞，真的好像快要死掉了。。。容易寂寞的我，那么长的一段时间没有和朋友出去，我真感到很寂寞。。。就像一只孤零零的兔子被关在一个小笼子里，也没有人来陪它玩。。。兔子是一只很需要陪伴的动物。一旦失去了陪伴，它会慢慢地感到寂寞而死去。。。

I AM GRUMPY.
12:38 PM

Monday, June 6, 2011

♥ Sweet Dreams~!

做了个梦。。。很甜蜜的梦。。。但是这个梦越甜蜜我就觉得越可怕。。。因为我知道这个梦是不可能会实现的。。。美丽的房子，可爱的小动物，和自己心爱的人，过着非常美满的人生。。。这可是我一直都很想拥有的生活。。。在梦里，那一个我多么深爱着的人的脸孔，是那么的模糊，但是他是多么的温柔体贴。。。看见那让我安心的灿烂的笑容，但却看不见那笑容的主人，令我觉得我的一切就好像会在这一瞬间消失。。。好可怕。可是说到最后，这也只不过是一场梦而已。。。

I AM GRUMPY.
12:20 AM

Saturday, June 4, 2011

今天是姐最后一天上班。。。也就是说我要开始好好的找一份工作了。。。但是，不懂为什么的，心里总觉得有点哪里不对。我想应该是我还没有做好要去做工的准备吧。。。现在觉得好烦，因为对家里有点愧欠，但却没办法克服心里的那一份对工作的恐惧。。。我知道自己不是一个独立的人，一直都很想为自己做些什么，却还是没法鼓起勇气踏出一步。。现在这样没有用的我，还可以再有什么谎言来骗自己说这一切都只是时间还没到，而不是自己的不中用所造成的呢？我已经再也没有借口了。。。那我现在要怎么办呢？

I AM GRUMPY.
1:01 AM

Saturday, May 28, 2011

终于毕业了。。。但是我没有感到特别的高兴，也不能说我完全没感觉。。。总觉得心里很不安，就这样而已。。。工作找上门，却被我拒绝了。。 “很不可思议吧？” 我是这么想的。。。因为我期盼很久的工作，我却当场就拒绝了。。。但是，心理不会觉得遗憾，不会后悔。。可却又有那么一点点的对不起家人。。我做这样的决定，不知道Anselmor会说些什么。。。如果他还在的话，他一定会说：“do the things u wan, be urself. ” 我每次有什么心事都会跟他说，然后他就会说很多很有道理但我又不是很听得懂的话。。他呀。。每次都能逗我笑的他。。。已经不在身边。。。真的，有时想到他就这样丢下我不管，真的有点讨人厌。。。但是我知道，他没有离开过，他会一直在天上看着我，陪着我的。。