我回来啦~

隔那么长的一段时间，我终于回来啦~ 想我不？ 呵呵~ 我现在就只会写，不会再去看评论了。只写我想写的，你不爽不要看。

最近半年来开始觉得我家里的人都开始变得怪怪的。她们的行为和脾气变得很奇怪，变得我都不认识她们了。我现在什么都不敢和她们说，觉得她们太恐怖了。

还有，我那么久没更新，你们也应该知道发生了很多事。宝宝心里苦，但是宝宝不说~ 总之，本来是能自己出国散散心的，结果还是不能。

还有已经2年了，我姐还是没有工作，我真的都快死了。算了，这个我不提了。提了心情也会不好。

说点开心的吧！ 在我喜欢上孔垂楠和黄礼格还有陈鹏过后，我认识了很多新朋友！虽然从未见过面，但是我们聊的都很愉快~！我家人不喜欢她们，但是我不管，反正她们从来都没有喜欢过我交的朋友。也不知道我的朋友到底哪里不好？

到最后我想说，我很高兴认识酱酱，晶晶，毒，丽姐，蕾蕾，乔乔，港妹，瑞瑞，jenny姐，玥玥，k宝，闹闹，CC，游姐，Lazy， EP，大叔，涵涵，北北，小雪，小嘉，小小，彤，Lucky，景怡，Yui，Ae，奶香，殇离，金蕊，还有很多很多人！ 我爱你们！ 么么哒~！

不舒服

每天都觉得自己越来越胖。。
心脏好像跳得很快很难呼吸。。。
可能是一直都很晚睡的关系吧。。
工作也觉得很有压力。。。
真的很想做个身体检查， 但是还是会怕。。
而且也有点懒。。。
怎么办呢？
到底是该去还是不该去。。。
去了又要花钱。。。
不去又觉得心里不安。。。

哎。。
好累啊。。
我看我还是早点睡得好。。。
要不然可能有一团会爆肝。。
哈哈！

真的很累。。。真的不想再做下去了。。。但是我现在不能不做工。。。家里就只剩我—人照顾。。。如果没了工作。。。家里就真的是什么都没有了。。。
。。。
。。。
。。。
好累。。。。。。。。

this is life..

人生就是如此，不能太幸福也不能太悲伤，不能太舒适也不能太辛苦。
每当觉得幸福的时候，就会知道会有不好的事情发生。
每当感觉已在一个舒适的生活步伐，就会有突发状况来扰乱你的生活。
这就是人生。。。
所以当和同事们混熟了，慢慢的就会感觉到自己的责任变重了，渐渐的看得到自己是怎么的被同事利用、糟蹋、然后被排斥。
这种感觉。。。沉重的心情。。。是再怎么样的宠自己都开心不起来的。

我。。。我是应该习惯这样的生活吗？

成长的代价

很辛苦，还是得做
很讨厌，还是得面带笑容
很疲惫，还是得撑着
很生气，还是得忍
很难过，还是得把眼泪往肚里吞

这就是成长的付出的代价。

Feel super frustrated today, feel like stabbing ppl today. but i cannot stab anybody so... i didnt smile much at work and feel super lazy so basically today i didnt do much work... i wonder if his will affect my performance at work and they may not wan to let me pass the probation. haiz... but i feel so sian... i dun wanna work!!!!!!!!!!! and today i always got into trouble by charging amt... haiz... cannot concentrate on work!!! i dun wanna work anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have decided!!! i will switch to part time after i pass my probation.... of cos i think that they will confirm wont allow it becos they themselves alr no enough manpower then they teach me so much stuff end up i wanna switch to part time i think they rather fire me then letting me work part time... i dunno wad i m talking abt anymore... super tired now... wadever.... bye bye.. nite.

I will die when i get a job.

I will die when i get a job becos,
when i got a job, i have to work,
when i work, i cannot stay home,
when i cannot stay home, i cannot accompany my cats and enjoy my manga and animes,
when i cannot accompany my cats and enjoy my manga and animes, i have no life,
when i have no life, i dun have the motivation to live,
when i dun have the motivation to live, i will commit suicide,
when i commit suicide, i die.

Therefore i cannot get a job. I WILL DIE.

生日又要到了

哎~ 生日又到了~ 又过了一年。。。 二十三岁了！！！好老呀！！！哈哈！

好！今年的生日愿望要在这里许下！

其实今年的生日愿望跟以往的一样~！我就只希望家里人，妈妈，姐姐，Orbin 和 Quack Quack 健健康康，平平安安，开开心心就够了。这样我就很满足了！

有些人说，生日可以许三个愿望。 如果我还可以许多两个的话我会希望找到一位爱我的男朋友，当然我说的是一位专一的男人。不帅，不高，不富裕都没关系，只要他专一，只疼爱我一个，还有拥有一棵爱护动物的心就可以了。

那第三个愿望呢~~~ 嗯~~~~ 我还没想到！

应该还是跟第一个愿望一样吧！因为重要的是家人健康快乐，平安顺利！

好了，就到这里了！

不知道几时还会再上来打文。。。再说吧！BYE BYE!

おやすみ！さよなら！チュ～

力不从心

Ahhh...... Suddenly feel very tired. No... Is not tired.. Is feeling old. getting older and older each day... Birthday coming soon and this year i dun feel anything special or worth celebrating. My relationship with my family is getting worse and i m jobless. dun feel like working but i got not much money left. have to start forcing myself to do something abt this. seriously i have been thinking abt this for months and i have been urging myself to do something abt this for months and i m still here.. not moving anywhere. this is wad i call 力不从心。

好想。。。但是。。。

最近看姐姐一直在念自己的手机不好用，让后电脑又好像要坏了。。。真的好想帮她买一台电脑和一架手机。。。想买 Galaxy Note 3 给她， 可是我没有钱。。。怎么办？

Worry worry worry

There is something wrong with my body. Somehow i know. Something is wrong. i dunno whether it's suppose to be like tt or not... but i dun dare to go check up. i m worried. really worried... haiz...

Memorable day for my Galaxy Note

This morning when I woke up, I pick up my phone and unlock it. Then I realized my phone battery is totally flat so I tried charging it and start up again. But my phone got stuck at the Samsung start up screen and it wont load any further. THEN I realized my phone is DEAD! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But wad can i do?! my precious galaxy note is being sent for repair at jurong point's samsung service center and i have to wait for 3 days to get my phone back. The service person say if is software problems i dun need to pay so much. but if is hardware problem and they have to change the motherboard den it will be over $200!!!!!! and all the data will be deleted!!!! all my precious games are gone!!!! GONEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but like tt oso good... i will focus more on the boys den my phone and also my head and eyes wont hurt so much... so pls ppl... if u wan to contact me, pls sms or facebook me... becos currently i dun have any whatsapp or LINE or WeChat. Thank you veri much.

HOPEFULLY THE REPAIR FEES AREN'T EXPENSIVE.

heartache and stress

i was never so heartache and stress at the same time... but this time round becos of quack quack i experience it for the first time... becos he is being picky abt food he didnt wan to eat the health food tt the vet gives and he couldnt get any treats. he looks so sad and he has been begging for treats and those unhealthy food which r his favorites...  we couldnt give due to vet's order ... and now he look so sad and weak... and the feeding tube of his is giving me headaches becos his wound open up and the tube wasnt fixed d there anymore... i m really scared tt the whole tube might drop out if he scratch it or when he shake his head too violently... i really feel like crying.... but my sister will think i m pushing everything away... not wanting quack quack to recover and get healthy... she will find all sorts of stupid reasoning to frame ppl tt is wad she is good at doing... i m really stressed out... my headache is getting more frequent and my back is not getting any better with the salonpas. my mother cannot help me in anyway. wad m i goin to do now?

sweet tiny things ♥♥♥

ytd our neighbour who also have cats at home brought his new born kitten (only 2 weeks old) over to show us. he also offered to let us keep it after it get bigger, but me and my sis refused becos i dun think we can keep anymore cats with our house being so small and packed. plus i dun think Orbin and Quack quack wan it either... they dun seems veri friendly too the kitten. haha!

anyway, i juz wanted to say tt tiny things like sharing joy with neighbours is really somethin something i appreciate. also my other neighbour will bring the food she cook to us sharing and caring for our cats and we celebrate each other's festival together. is nice like tt. but juz some neighbours got veri terrible attitude and habits which makes things difficult for us. i dun wan to leave here but our family really do need a bigger house for the boys. also if we r planning to add another puppy to the list... a bigger house is definitely necessary.

Quack Quack's health condition....

I wonder when quack quack will get well... but i really hope is really soon... the vet say that he can take off the feeding tube next week but after taking out the feeding tube we have to help him replenish his body fluid by giving him IV drips everyday for 15 to 30 mins!!!! this means that i have to give him injections everyday!!!! My phobia of needles need to be overcome by next week! i cant let my sister do everything... firstly becos she is leaving for korea soon for her first overseas vacation, so i will be left alone at home without anybody's help... secondly even after she come back from her vacation i also cannot let her do everything becos after both of us got a job, we have to share the workload of taking care of the boys... i dunno whether i will die during the process due to high level of stress causing high blood pressure and i will have a heart attack or something but i really hope that quack quack will recover really really soon (provided that he wasnt that picky in his food =.=")

oh! and by the way! i didnt mention how and when quack quack got sick right? it was actually 1-2 mths ago... one morning when we woke up we found vomits all over the floor and we saw quack quack vomiting... he didnt have any appetite and he keep vomiting causing him to vomit out blood with the gastric acid and this almost lead him to having stomach ulcer... however, the whole cause of the vomiting was his small kidney which couldnt function well and remove all the toxic (specifically urea) in the blood and this cause the stomach lining thinning and cause slight stomach ulcer and he will vomit. this is how the whole thing goes so.... a feeding tube was inserted to control his diet and also becos he didnt wan to eat the kidney health foods. he have to slim down to a healthier weight so tt his kidney wont have such a heavy load to process. also he was dehydrating becos he cannot adsorb water into his body and he needed more water den usual to remove the toxin in his blood tt is why the IV drip come in to help circulate the toxin out of his body.

anyway... back to my main point... i dunno whether i can handle the injections but i will try my best to keep quack quack healthy and happy! (i hope i can really do it.... TT.TT)

我想更坚强， 我不想再做无能又懦弱的我。

对，又是我这个不孝女儿，没用的妹妹，无能的主人。
我真的一直有很努力的左我能做的东西，和我喜欢的东西。
但是，我很害怕改变。环境的变化，合作的伙伴变了，手头上要做的工作也不一样了。
这些的一切都改变了，那我又会变成什么样子?
每次有改变，我就会伤害到身边的人。尤其是家人。
我不知道要真么办好。。。
不知道能和谁说这些话，感到很沉重。
我真想买间大房子大家开开心心，平平安安，健健康康的过日子。
我到底该怎么做，要做些什么才能不让大家不开心？
心好沉。。。

fucking pissed off

is my last day of work and she want to pissed me off like tt... amazing! wad can i say? she' my mother! amazing powers of hers to pissed me off...

i rmb wad i wanted to say....and tt is...


give me back my freedom!

Woot~!

Change my  blogskin again... too long nv do this kind of thing alr... took damn long time... and is still not perfect... but nvm... i still like it veri much and nonody actually reads my blog anyway so is only for my own entertainment....

but anyway wad was i goin to type in this post again... hmmm..... ok... i forgot... nvm... maybe next time... hahahahahaha!!!!!

我真的很不想做工啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

haiz.....

sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............................

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!