felt so much better after letting everything out... i dun have to lie anymore... this the first time i have ever being so honest with someone. although is not confirm tt he will choose me... but is enough... as long as i can find who love n treasure me, n i was ever this honest with my feelings... but i dun think i can do this with anybody else... now is juz wait... isnt it?

the pain in the chest again... something i cannot do abt... i wonder when i cam get use to it. everytime i see him i feel like holding his hands... is a bad habit... have to stop... if not i my chest will be forever hurting... haiz...

i really hope that he dun worry so much abt me n trust me more and  let me be an adult or a woman tt he can rely on... i dun wan to always be call his xiao mei mei like he is juz taking care of me like taking care of his sis... and again, out of duty...   haiz... i wonder when he will open up to me... this insecurity will nv end if he goes on like this. but if he is happy like this, i dun mind my chest hurting like that. i cant cry anymore. no matter wad happen, i have keep everything to myself... no more complains abt anything. family friends and relationship no more. theresa said tt there will always be a time where ppl have to leave something, someone, someplace someday. i dun expect internity becos i noe he wasnt sure abt this either. but i will forever cherish wadever he gave me, and wadever i have given to him. i hope he will nv noe i feel this way becos i juz wan him to be happy.

my beautiful life... i guess...

my beautiful life... i guess... i was juz hoping tt all this wasnt juz a dream... becos however i look at this it juz doesnt seems rite. he dun really look happy being with me... but all i wanted was to make him happy. he didnt mention anything abt his gf.. neither did he say anything abt wadever is troubling him right now. we didnt say anything and it came to this. i m awfully troubled becos i can't read every single expression he made. he is pretty emotional... haiz... really hope tt i can help him in one way or another. but i somehow think tt he wasnt happy abt me not wanting to let anybody noe abt us. i got a feeling tt we r tgt not becos he like me, but rather is tt he is only doin it out of duty. this have been making me feeling veri uncomfortable and insecure. wad should i do to make him happy? n everyday he is worried abt me being scolded by my mother....