sitting at a bus stop doin nth but juz watching cars and buses passing by... make me realise we all live in a veri busy world tt, we dun stop n take a look around us and we didnt see alot of things tt needed to be noticed.

trembling in fear

from the moment u said those words, i have been trembling... even during the dinner, every second i feel like crying, but i did my best to hold wadever tears tt was goin to fall... i can see tt mabel find me weird. but i have no choice but to avoid eye contact with anyone. i tried calling u ytd. u did not pick up. i try persuading u to let me have more of ur time. u didnt reply me with any ans even i repeated the qns. is it becos u dun love me anymore, or u love me too much? i dunno anymore. even until now, when i m typing this, my hands r still shaking... the fear of losing u. losing my precious treasure. we also promise tt we will only separate when u find someone u wan to spend ur life with... but now u didnt give me any reasons, juz becos we r not working tgt, we cant see each other everyday, u wan to give up. i dun understand at all.... please explain to me... i m really scared... my heart aches...

not giving up!

i m not giving anyone to anyone! u r mine! i m yours... dun juz throw me away when u havent even try... we r fated to meet n fall in love, but maintaining and staying together is not destiny, is an opportunity, a choice, a decision, an effort. why did u even say those kind of things... when i alr decided on u?! why...? why..........

i love u so much... too much... i cant leave u alone... my dear, is not tt i dun care or cant be bothered... but in order not to let u feel troubled, i hide my jealousy, so i act generous to let u go to her house n visit miko. in order not to let u see how flustered i m and how fast my heart beat when i see u, i have to act strong n avoid u. how i wish for every moment i can hold u close to me, let u feel my heart beat n dun bother abt other ppl's view. everyday i try to find a chance to get close to u but i dun have the courage to... so hoping tt u could feel wad i was feeling and pull me into ur arms and hold me close to u... so much i wan to noe abt u... but i dun wan to force u to tell me everything... i wan u to feel comfortable talking to me... i feel like i m being so greedy wanting so much things from u... if u r reading this post, i hope u can understand my love for u is endless... i promise myself since young, i will sacrifice anything i can to get the things or the person i wan, even if is giving up my life. i love you.

i think i m lonely

another day goin to end n we didnt talk much. u r tired n i dun wan to bother u much. the smile i receive from u this morning, make my day! tried veri hard to not get close to u, becos ur smell is making me dizzy. maybe i m too lonely... tt's why i m like tt...

wishing and hoping

hoping that you could tell me everything. anything that is troubling you or anything that make you happy i hope that you could share everything with me. also wishing that you could stay happy and may all happiness be with you. i gave everything i could and everything i have wishing for your happiness everyday every night. giving everything i could so that i wont regret of not loving you enough or letting you down. i did my best.

allergy acts up... cough n flu came tgt. my throat is dying my ear cannot really make it... i think i really have to save up for the fucking operation... i wonder how much will the check ups, specialist n the operation cost... haiz...

christmas is coming~! wad should i get?! wad should i get?! wad should i wish for?! hmm... maybe something memorable for mabel, and something useful for eric and linna they all... i wonder wad my darling wan for christmas. eliza one oso have to start thinking liao sia... tt troublesome kid. camera for her birthday, super junior for christmas? hmm.. i wanted to go chalet with my darling... dunno will he be happy or not if i invite him... lots of things happen in the company, so juz to relax... hmm...

getting  job is oso another problem...

haiz... things happen in relationship sometimes... maybe i shouldn't be like tt... how should I say this... maybe just some time he can be more... hmm.. he can dun respect me so much...

nvm lah! 顺其自然吧！

你一定是听到了我所祈祷的一切所以你才这样安排。谢谢你让我认识了一个会心疼我的人，也让我多了解我的家人。我真的希望以前发生过的事情不会再次重演。我不想在失去一个这样的人。一个就够了，他已经不会回来，我也不会在去想。但他会一直在我心里，我也知道他一定会很支持我，一定会叫我不要放弃这个爱。请你继续指引我做对的选择。我也希望你能保佑我爱着的这个傻瓜，开开心心，健健康康的。还有我跟我家人的关系我会进我全力再得回她们的信任。我知道没有一件事是完美的，但是我不会认输！要得到平衡是需要时间跟努力的！我会耐心等待，用心付出。=)

felt so much better after letting everything out... i dun have to lie anymore... this the first time i have ever being so honest with someone. although is not confirm tt he will choose me... but is enough... as long as i can find who love n treasure me, n i was ever this honest with my feelings... but i dun think i can do this with anybody else... now is juz wait... isnt it?

the pain in the chest again... something i cannot do abt... i wonder when i cam get use to it. everytime i see him i feel like holding his hands... is a bad habit... have to stop... if not i my chest will be forever hurting... haiz...

i really hope that he dun worry so much abt me n trust me more and  let me be an adult or a woman tt he can rely on... i dun wan to always be call his xiao mei mei like he is juz taking care of me like taking care of his sis... and again, out of duty...   haiz... i wonder when he will open up to me... this insecurity will nv end if he goes on like this. but if he is happy like this, i dun mind my chest hurting like that. i cant cry anymore. no matter wad happen, i have keep everything to myself... no more complains abt anything. family friends and relationship no more. theresa said tt there will always be a time where ppl have to leave something, someone, someplace someday. i dun expect internity becos i noe he wasnt sure abt this either. but i will forever cherish wadever he gave me, and wadever i have given to him. i hope he will nv noe i feel this way becos i juz wan him to be happy.

my beautiful life... i guess...

my beautiful life... i guess... i was juz hoping tt all this wasnt juz a dream... becos however i look at this it juz doesnt seems rite. he dun really look happy being with me... but all i wanted was to make him happy. he didnt mention anything abt his gf.. neither did he say anything abt wadever is troubling him right now. we didnt say anything and it came to this. i m awfully troubled becos i can't read every single expression he made. he is pretty emotional... haiz... really hope tt i can help him in one way or another. but i somehow think tt he wasnt happy abt me not wanting to let anybody noe abt us. i got a feeling tt we r tgt not becos he like me, but rather is tt he is only doin it out of duty. this have been making me feeling veri uncomfortable and insecure. wad should i do to make him happy? n everyday he is worried abt me being scolded by my mother....

without you...

life is miserable... tired through and through... due to all the stress comimg from all sorts of sources... result in me indulging in reading online mangas... drowning in sex and lust everyday every second... it became a necessity... i will have withdrawals without it and 'it'... save me if somebody could... please....

woohoo!!!! long time no see everyone!!!! busy lately with me work the application for my baking courses... sorry for not updating...anyway, juz to say... i got accepted into the course!!!! super happy!!!! but now i start worrying abt being not able to pass becos i m not a veri clever person plus if i cannot pass i will have to pay a whole lot of sum of money u noe!!!! plus before it even start i have to pay a whole lot sum for my uniform attire and the sch fees and the culinary lit or something like tt.... haiz... but i will still be working part time in my current job.. so as u can see i will be veri veri busy from july onwards.... i m really afraid that i wont be able to cope... so everybody hope u all could juz help me out!!!!! thank you veri much!!!!

fuck those assholes

early in the morning eh? YES, EARLY IN THE MORNING. juz before i m goin to work. juz wanted to post something and tell everybody something. maybe some ppl in my life or some immortals trying to destroy everything i have and ruin my life... juz wan to tell these assholes tt i m not goin to juz give way to wadever u do. GO AHEAD with wadever u had planned, but i will be destroy every single plan tt u have against me, u get it? so dun be nice on me, if not i find it no fun! but if u seriously have plan to get me up and go, u better be prepared... I WILL MAKE IT THE WORST DAY OF UR LIFE.

Sincerely,
Jovi

romance?

friday off day was great! went out with my mother and sister to bring my kitten for vaccination... orbin hates goin to the vet... and after the vaccination he is always tired... now he is slping on my lap while i m typing this... so is a little difficult for me to type this post... if u did see my facebook... u would realise i keep on saying tt i m veri tired and in reality i m really tired.... becos of my job... same old story... sometimes i juz feel emo all of a sudden and i dun wan to continue this anymore... but for the sake of money i cannot stop this job... i got a cat to feed and a baking course to go to... wad other choices do i have? haiz... i juz wish tt somebody can help me... and juz now i was reading some manga... and i realise tt having someone to support u and spoilt u and always be by ur side is something veri nice and sweet...

tiring days ahead...

WOOTS! another day tiring day for me... gone out with Sarah today for dinner... and den we juz keep on playing professor layton (sarah's long time no see game) haha! is fun playing this game together becos playing alone will have headache... anyway back to topic for today.... i m tired of my job lately... somehow is becos after i became a full timer at the pet shop, i became veri stressed up and became veri veri tired and i cannot even slp properly every night... and this cause me to wake up late or waking up but feeling restless and tired and this result in my forgetfulness which cause my work stress to go up and the vicious cycle continues if u noe wad i mean.. but seriously i still feel tt doin all this is not worth it... as in why the fuck should i work so hard when working part time is much easier than full time and the pay wasnt tt much of the difference?! haiz... i dunno wad to say... i check out the price of the course i wanted to take and i am eligible for the subsidies... but still i have to earn some money b4 i go... so maybe i will work 1 or 2 months more b4 i change back to part timer...

tired... really tired... i dunno why adults have to think so much for themselves and children can juz make their way through without even a need to think?

yes... i cried again...

these few days keep on having the same dream...
is nightmare to me...

in tt dream i see him walking pass me... like a stranger...
in the dream i cried so hard and ask him not to go...
bu he didnt hear and walk towards another person...
hand in hand they walk into the church...

my chest feel pain....
suffocating...

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你要我怎么回答你？！
我真的快疯掉了啦！！！