yeah~!!!! examz finish le!!!!

AP Chem

今天 19/08/2008,

我到了学校考试。。
考AP Chem。。
我没有时间完成最后一题。。
结果，10分没了。。

其他的题目我不是很有信心拿到好的分数。。
算了，考都已经考了。。
现在只能为剩下的考卷加油了~！

星期四就要考数学了。。
我希望我能做得到！

俊杰没有来打扰我已经算是很不错的了。。

离开前的祝福。。

我还有两天。。
我只剩两天。。
我就要走了。。
离开这里。。

果然，被我猜中了。。
我们没有缘分见最后一次面。。
我一旦离开。。
我就不会再回来了。。

祝你幸福快乐。。
天天开开心心。。
平平安安。。
Stay Healthy~!

从我搬走的那天开始。。
我不再留恋。。
我不再想起。。

我的心也就只会向着俊杰一人。。
不会再对其他人动心。。
不会再喜欢上任何人。。

我的心。。。











死了。。。

我不想告诉家人们。。

我真的不想在HI悠悠上面说这些话。。
我不想在HI悠悠上说这些话是因为我不想要家人们担心。。

真的老实说一句。。
我的耳朵只要一天不动手术，是不可能会好的。。
每次看到亲们留言祝我早日康复。。
我真的不知道要怎么跟他们说。。
我不忍心告诉她们我的耳朵永远都不会好的。。
最近耳朵疼痛的程度比以前的还要厉害。。
而且疼痛的时间也延长了。。
听觉也变得不是很好了。。

HAPPY 43RD NATIONAL DAY!!!

HAPPY 43RD BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!
I LOVE YOU~~~~!!!
YOU ARE THE BEST!!!
I'M ALWAYS PROUD OF YOU!!!
要加油喔~~~！！
ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU!!!!

还有5天。。

我还有5天就要搬离开这里了。。

我真的真的很想很想见见你。。看看你的脸。。

就算是。。我见你的最后一次吧。。

希望老天爷真的能帮我这个忙。。让我再看你最后一次。。

过后，我就会把你永远的放在心里的最深处。。

快乐的面对我的生活。。

我真的很希望能跟你说一句。。

“我爱你。。。”

我爱你。。。

今天，放了学，我到了家楼下的篮球场。。

知道我住那里的人就会觉得很奇怪，为什么我要说这个。。
因为我每天都会经过我家楼下的篮球场。。

但是，今天不一样。。
今天，的篮球场很少人。。
我本来只是想经过就算了，但是，见到球场很少人我就坐在附近，一直望着篮球场。。

我突然想到我快要搬家了。。离开这里。。住了8年的地方。。
这个地方有着很多很美好回忆。。
尤其是我跟“他”的回忆。。

以前我们就是常常在这篮球场一起打篮球。。
一起吵架，甚至打架。。
“他”每次都欺负我，整天只专跟我抢球。。
明明就是故意的，还每次给我一副无辜的样子。。
超讨人厌的~！

今天，我终于鼓起了勇气，再次的踏上了这个5年来都没有走过的篮球场。。
一踏上球场，我就想起以前小时候，我们快乐的一起玩，一起闹。。
然后，就想起，我花了两年的时间来找“他”。。探听“他”的消息。。
然后就发现“他”有了女朋友。。
站在篮球场上，我的眼泪当场流了下来。。
我含着泪，跑回家。。
到了家，我大哭。。
一直哭个不停。。

这5年来。。我根本不敢靠近这个篮球场。。
因为我不想想起“他”。。
不想想起“他”已经有了女朋友。。
不想想起“他”的一切。。

但是，我要搬走了。。
就再也没有机会看到“他”。。
我不想离开这里。。
我不想离开“他”。。
我不要看不到“他”。。
我不要失去那些记忆。。

原来到现在我才发现。。
我对“他”不是习惯。。
我是真的爱上了“他”。。
我真的很爱“他”。。。
我离不开“他”。。

“他”的地位，是连俊杰都没有办法代替的。。
我永远会把“他”摆在第一位。。

Kun Sheng，我真的很想你。。
我也很爱你。。
我真的无法忘记你。。
所以我会永远地把你放在心里的最深处。。
没有人可以把你抢走。。
这样我也离不开你。。
没有人可以代替你。。

我爱你。。。

have fun @ jacey house~!

ytd went to jacey house was really veri veri fun!!! she got all kinds of article on JJ man!!! so 厉害 lor!!! how i wish i can be like her!!! she live at the 24th floor leh!!! the view there is nice until~~~~~ i got nth to say.. the night view is like... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahax.. super nice~~~~!! den she cook her 拿手蛋炒饭 for me~! is veri nice!!! athough i took a long long time to go her house n back home.. veri tiring.. but veri happy~~ however the results is not tt satisfying arh... nvm abt tt.. dun talk abt it.. if not later i 发飙 again..

also i wan to thank jacey for inviting me to her house.. is really nice.. plus ytd was the first time we meet each other!!! hahax.. also because of her i can 顺顺利利 reach home.. hehe.. hope i can go her house again~!

ok.. nid to go do work liao.. BB~!

失败后的心情。。

Ytd went to Jacey' house to watch the MTV Asia Awards, but in the end, no videos only got pictures and words. but 我够满足了! however, in the end JJ still didnt get the award.

This is my mood last night:
真的是气死我了！！明明知道俊杰没有赢就一定会想到我的心情是非常的不开心，你就偏偏来惹我！！好过分！！还说什么“赢不了的啦”！！什么赢不了！！俊杰很厉害得好不好！！你知道他多少！！虽然我不知道他很多的事情，但是至少我知道得比你多！我知道你不稀罕，但是，请你也想想我的感受！对！追偶像的是我不是你，你当然觉得不管你的事！你也会觉得我很无聊去追偶像，还追得不像样，但是，我在这里告诉你：我追星的时候我自己知道极限在哪里！我不会乱花钱，我又不是什么关于俊杰的东西我都买！我知道什么该买什么不该买，好不好！我也知道家里没有钱！我也知道要付学费！我又不是白痴！！所以不要太过分！你不喜欢我追偶像就算了，请你不要故意在我面前说这些不好听的话！重伤俊杰！！你要说就说我，干嘛要说俊杰！他又没有得罪你！！我本来是不想把这些心里话说出来的的，是你逼我的！我本来心情是已经平静了，打算这件事情就这样算了，但是，你就偏偏把那主要惹我生气的话题说出来！还添油加醋！！现在我的心情极度的不好！现在，谁敢来惹我你就给我试试看！！我一定给你脸色看！！！

But now my mood is:
俊杰，我知道你一定会失望，但是我相信你会很快的好起来的！看到你说的话，心自然而然会阵阵的痛。。眼泪也流了下来。。可是，俊杰说得到做得到，对不对？你不在乎就不在乎，对不对？我不喜欢你这样的来哄我们开心，这样的来安慰我们。。我很希望你能说出的的心里话，这样以来你自己也会觉得舒服些。。当然我还是很不甘心，毕竟我们大家都努力了那么久。但是，俊杰你知道一件事吗？虽然说出来很多人一定会怪我，我想俊杰你也会怪我。。但是我还是想说。。昨天，在颁奖前，我跟老天爷说了这么一句话：“老天爷，俊杰拿不拿奖没关系，但是，请让俊杰天天开开心心，平平安安，健健康康就好了。”真的很对不起，我不是故意的。但是，我真的不在乎俊杰你得什么奖，虽然对你来说是别人对你的音乐的一种认同，但是，对我来说，要人家认同，不一定要得奖。自己心里知道不就好了吗？我这样说，俊杰你应该会很生气。。但是，我只是说出我的心里话而已。。希望你能原谅我。。

到最后，我还是想恭喜罗志祥和孙燕姿拿到奖。。大家都要继续加油喔~!

小猪，生日快乐~！

hey hey!!! i came to post!!!

明天是小猪罗志祥的生日！！！

我们的国王，罗主任，Mr Pig，又老了一岁咯~！（不方便说出他的真实年龄 >.<）

但是，你在我心中是永远的18岁啦~！嘻嘻。。

现在这里祝你生日快乐~！

希望你的愿望全部都实现~！

要继续加油喔~！我会永远支持你的~！

我唯一的Show~！唯一的国王~！

stupid entry.. hahax..

veri long nv come here n write things alr.. cos quite busy, and quite lazy.. =D

many things happen, and i will try to upload as many picture as i can.

wad i m doin recently..

i went for the YES933 25周年 街头爆唱会 on the 20/07/2008 and i saw JJ!!!
but b4 tt i went to 林宇中签唱会 at bugis!!
also i decided to join JJFC..
and also i have been listening to YES933 quite frequently..

i dun wan to talk abt sch.. is super boring, and stress.. so juz forget it..

also i decided to go to 蕭敬虅签唱会 on 10/8/2008, 1pm.
tt is all.. hahax.. veri boring rite this entry.. i noe.. but 将就点.. bo bian.. hahax.. if not this blog goin to rot liao...

OMG!!!!

OMG!!! Hsien Yeow you rmb my birthday!!! i love u man!!! u r my best buddy, best brother, best friend arh!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! i dun even think samuel, joash, anselmor and ames will rmb lor!!! i really veri veri 感动leh!!! not trying to be sarcastic here lor.. really thank you veri veri veri much!!! i didnt expect tt u will say happy birthday to me when u start the conversation lor!!! i thought u dun rmb me alr... wah!!!! i goin to cry alr.... i cannot believe it!!! u rmb!!!!

This is the evidence!!!

我心好疼。。

星辰，我很高兴你醒来了！

但是，听到你的朋友那么说。。

我真的很心疼。。

我相信你一定会记起JJ和我们的！

你要常上来悠悠。。

我们一定会让你想起一切美好的事。。

想起那个你曾经爱过的JJ。。

JJ，我求你快点发新专辑！！

我们现在真的很需要的歌来帮助星辰记起你的事情！

星辰，你要好好照顾自己。。

我相信你不会有事的！

祝你早日康复！

星辰，你要加油！

我们每一位JM都等着你回来。。

不要放弃！我们一直都在支持着你，陪着你。。

大家都都是一家人！一个都不能少！

要好好的回来，知道吗？！

Music Box

我想我是疯了！！我今天一定是疯了！！我竟然盯着他足足一整堂课！！我保证以后再也不会发生这种事情了！我还不想那么早死呀！

今天，没什么心情吃东西。。根本没有胃口。。下午吃了过后就好想吐。。
也没有什么心情上课，差不多都应该没有在听老师在说话。。
回到家，基本上什么都没有吃。。只是喝了一点点的水。。

突然好想有一个音乐盒。。
有着美妙的旋律。。看着两个人转圈圈，跳着舞。。
多美呀~！
但是，还是希望能有多几只绒毛玩具来陪陪我。。
I going to buy one soft toy for myself during my birthday, YEAH!!

JJ，我今年的生日愿望有你喔~！
我不能说出来，一说了就不会实现了。。

我的祥祥~！

哇~~~~~！！！！

我的祥祥输了~~~~！！！

小猪！你不是校队的吗？！

怎么可以这样子就输了呢？！？！

祥祥~！

要加油喔~！

永远支持你！！

但是，还是小杰优先。。嘻嘻。。

《无尽的思念》

不开心，不开心，不开心！！！

为什么会这样？！

因为学业，朋友，家庭，还是爱情？

心里一直很不舒服。。

那旋律。。

那让我哭的旋律。。

那让旋律我感受到藏在我心里很久很久的痛。。

那让我面对现实的旋律。。

这旋律让我发现到我从以前到现在，逃避了多少。。多久。。

但是，到现在逃避依然是唯一能让我脸上挂上笑容的方法。。

再给我一点时间来找回以前的那个我。。

那个不认识“他”的我。。

那个拥有完美家庭的我。。

那个没有友情纠纷的我。。

那个没有学业压力的我。。

请再给我多一点时间来接受现在眼前的一切。。

坚强面对！

每次一想要哭，我就拼了命的忍着。
今天我发现到，我哭不出来了。
我一直都在听JJ的歌，来度过每一个难关。
一看着他的样子，听到他的声音，就会暂时忘记所发生的不愉快。

To每一位可爱的家人，你们给我的鼓励是不会白费的！
我会加油！我会努力！我会坚强！我不会让你们失望！
我希望能真的和你们碰面，好好的和你们聊聊。
这样我觉得就会更像一家人了！

我也希望JJ能继续加油，做出好音乐，跟我们JM一起分享他的快乐，还有让我们分担他的不愉快。
JJ，加油！我永远都会支持你！我说得到，做得到喔~！

撑不住，怎么办？

“家”应该是一个很舒服的地方。。。

但是，为什么我却觉得呆在外头比在家里舒服呢？

我只是想有一个安稳的家。。。

我只是想要每天一放学回到家。。。

可以舒舒服服，安安心心的休息。。。

可是为什么我每次一回到家就会觉得很辛苦呢？

好像不能呼吸的感觉。。。

我真的很辛苦。。。

我真的很怕我撑不住。。。

如果我撑不住，我妈和我姐要怎么办？

可是我真的很累了。。。

我亲爱的JM家人们。。。

我已经很尽量的在撑了。。。

每天不停的哭，我已受够了！

我真的快受不了了！

The Darkness of Heart

Sry for dragging so long.. this is my first drawing..

The Darkness Of Heart

Notice!!!

HEY HEY HEY EVERYONE!!!

juz wan to inform my regular blog readers...

From tmr onwards, i will be putting up some drawings which is my own creation.. there will be one drawing uploaded every week...

so please comment on the drawing through the tagboard.. thank you!

ames this is for u

Ames, is not i dun wan to meet up.. is juz tt meeting u make me feel guilty.. his birthday is coming.. i dun wan to make use of u to make me forget him.. this is not an excuse for not meeting up with u.. this is oso the same reason i for wad i did to u during secondary sch.. i dun wan to make use of my good buddy, someone tt i cherish and love so much.. u r really the best guy i ever met, doin all those things for me in the past. i love u the way u r.. u r always my good buddy.. i really love to have a brother like u..

of cos goin out is not a problem.. is juz tt maybe having another person around will be better.. i heard from sarah tt u 2 r quite close.. so maybe with her around i wont feel so guilty n uncomfortable.. plus having to go out alone with someone who is goin deaf, is not really good for u..

pls understand me.. and if u feel uncomfortable having this blog entry posted.. pls tell me...

maybe juz another thing i wan to say.. i did cry when u told tt last year.. although, i told u i m fine, but i dun feel fine at all..

真的放下了吗？

你真的放下了吗？
如果真的已经放下了，那为什么还一直那么的在乎他呢？
你说，在乎不等于是喜欢，那你对俊杰又算是什么呢？
你每天都在为他的生日倒数。。
今天已经是倒数第十天了。。
你每天都在想着他。。
这也算是已经放下了吗？
你自己好好的想一想吧！
摊开你的心来看看。。
你真的有在面对现实吗？

我希望你不要再骗自己，来逃避现实了。。

谢谢俊杰和JMs

凶什么凶啊？！也不知道你发什么脾气！跟妈咪一样，没事无缘无故发脾气，简直是莫名其妙！随便说几句就气到哭，也太烂了吧！我现在才发现，原来有人比我还爱哭！思想成熟又怎样！心里记仇却跟小孩子没两样！好白痴啊！这家人怎么都那么的偏心呀？妈咪和爸爸就整天只会偏袒姐姐，不在乎我的感受。。姐姐又只会对她的朋友好，装一副样子给他们看，这也太假了吧？！我想她们都没有看过她到底是怎样的一个人吧？！到底这个家里住的是什么人呀？！怎么都怪怪的呀？！真庆幸我不是他们的孩子！要不然会被遗传到怪怪的精英！真的是莫名其妙的来到这个家哦~！也莫名其妙的被冷落了16年！当然，也莫名其妙的被骂了16年！我的生活还真是有够多的莫名其妙呀！

俊杰，真的很谢谢你。。因为你，让我知道什么是有家人呵护的感觉。。因为你，让我认识了那些疼我，爱我，关心我，体谅我，在乎我的JMs。。其实，真的如果没有你和JMs。。我真的早就已经割脉自杀了。。是你们让我活了下来。。让我继续听到俊杰美妙的音乐和看到他灿烂可爱的笑容！

我是养女？

跟我出去有那么辛苦吗？
本来是想说，因为爸爸的事情让你最近很不高兴。。所以，好不容易抽出时间来陪你逛，随便修电话。。你竟然嫌我麻烦，一直说你赶时间。。我还算是你的女儿吗？你以为我真的那么的有空吗？每次见你和姐姐出去又不见得你那么地赶时间。。以前，我们三个一起出去，你就一直拿我和姐姐比。。说我乱花钱，说我看到什么都要，没有用脑想。。现在我帮你省钱，你有说我浪费你的时间。。我真的有那么多东西给你跳吗？我真的在你眼里差成这个样子吗？我对这个家好失望。。我对你好失望。。我现在终于知道我为什么那么爱和朋友出去玩。。以为你根本不在乎我的感受。。姐姐发脾气的时候，你们处处都顺着她。。我发脾气的时候，你们根本不当一回事。。为什么会这样？因为我的成绩不如姐姐的吗？是这样吧？所以，你们不可以怪我每天都对着电脑。。因为能给我想家人的感觉的人，就只有那些JMs。。她们在乎我的感受，她们了解我，她们肯听我说。。我真的觉得呆在外面的感觉比在家里还温暖。。我真的是你的女儿吗？老实说一句，我从里到外，没有一样东西是跟你和爸爸相像的。。无论是发色，眼睛的颜色，个性，嗜好，或习惯。。没有一样是相像的。。而且，你们对我和对姐姐的态度是一个天一个地。。

我真的是你们的女儿吗？

penknife

penknife...

something tt i should never ever touch again in my life...

but i m really tired...

i feel so dead...

so not alive...

i pick up a penknife today...

thinking where i should use it on...

on my hand?

or on my leg?

i did promise jun hao tt i wont do it again..

but i cant guarantee tt i wont.

i noe how it feels like without a father...

i noe how is feels like to be abandon...

it dun feels good...

but i cannot mention this at home...

everybody will feel so upset...

i m really feeling veri miserable now...

i feel like i m dying...
i so wish i could juz die now...

someone please help me...
please.....
我真的很辛苦。。。
谁能来救我。。。

hope u r happy..

16 more days to ur birthday...
i miss u veri much..
it has been 6 years since primary 5..
i have nv forgotten u..
i oso dun expect u to rmb me..

i juz wish tt u could be happy everyday..
and be with the one u love..
every year, when ur birthday is near, i will start folding straw hearts..
for u.. actually i wanted to give them to u..
but i dunno how, n even i noe where u r, i wont dun dare to..

stay happy n healthy, ok?

SARAH!!!!

HEY HEY!!! veri long nv blog le.. becos of several reasons..

First, I dun have the time to blog.

Second, my sister is using the internet.

Third, which is the last one and most important reason..

I GOT NTH TO BLOG ABOUT!!! hahax.. ^^

ok, fine.. i noe i'm veri lame..

actually during this "non-blogging" time.. i got lots of work to do.. and i m trying to get use to the environment in Singapore Poly.. now i m pretty ok there.. juz need a few weeks more i guess..

all the assignments, presentations and reports r also stressing me out.. although is not a lot.. but i really cannot present, or somehow express my thinking in words in front of someone who i m not really familiar with.. so i feel pretty stress in the presentation area. PLUS my english is not really good.. so the CRS presentation is the worst nightmare!!! but after chatting with 雯, i feel better, but wanting me to present, is really a veri veri difficult task for me..

BUT BECOS 雯&ALL THE JMs I WILL TRY ALL I CAN TO OVERCOME THIS DIFFICULTY, becos i really dun wan to disappoint them.. they always give me so much support, i cannot give them rubbish results right?

today went out with sarah!!! cos she wanted to cut hair n take photo.. so she ask me along.. when she was cutting hair, we were talking a lot.. and she keep on moving.. making the person veri difficult to cut her hair.. hahax.. den after tt we went to the food court to eat.. i ate japanese food, and sarah ate korean food.. it is super nice.. after tt we took some photos n i went home.. sarah stay behind cos she still got piano lessons.. i will be posting up all the photos later.. it was really fun today!! hahax..

hope next time free den go out again!!! yeah!! AND SARAH, RMB TO TAKE CARE ARH...!!!

this are the photos we took!!!

erik's birthday!!!

today end lesson at 10.30am.. hahax.. den after tt ent all the way to foodcourt 6 to celebrate Erik's birthday!!! hahax.. we gave him a surprise!!! although he dun look surprise to me.. but as long as everybody is happy, den ok le!! yeah! hui kheng bought a birthday cake for him, but in the end he dun eat cakes.. same as me.. we only eat ice cream cake. hahax..

oh! also i saw celeste at foodcourt 6 today too!! hahax.. cos foodcourt 6 is at the business blocks!!! veri happy to see her!!!

after the celebration, we went home.. den i went back to secondary sch to find mrs khoo for some community service thing to ask her. but in the end cannot go in.. haiz.. nvm.. next time bah.. at most dun do the project.. oh! i saw amanda too when i was on my way to loyang sec.. i was so so happy!!!

ok lah.. write until here.. next time den continue..

我爱你们大家！

JJ，JMs。。
如果不是你们。。
我真的早就不在着世界上了。。
因为有你们的鼓励和小杰的音乐。。
我才会存在。。
你们是我的家人。。
连我的家人都不会这样的鼓励我。。
谢谢你们！

当然还有我多年来的朋友。。
你们也是给予我很多的鼓励。。
陪伴我很多的快乐与不愉快。。
谢谢你们！

最后，当然还有家人。。
虽然我爸爸不要这个家了。。
但是我还有我的姐姐和妈妈。。
虽然她们每次不是骂我，酸我不然就是损我。。
但是我知道她们是关心我的。。
也很照顾我。。
我在家里很任性。。
她们也一直忍着。。
尤其是我姐姐。。
她每次都被我气到爆！
我也很常和我妈吵架，也没有帮她做家务。。
但是，现在我会努力的！
不会在气她们，还有不会那么任性！
我会加油！

this is good... i really love it man..

this is like OMG!!!! JJ I LOVE U MAN!!! U REALLY ROCKS!!!

fanclub trouble

a few days nv blog liao.. i think i too busy le bah.. hahax.. busy make new friends!!! -_-"
back to topic.. veri tired these few days.. next week is really starting sch le.. cos all the datasheets n reports r coming up.. there will also be more n more tutorials.. although haven really start.. but i alr can feel the stress.. really veri scared.. plus i m not use to the new environment there.. dun really eat much in sch.. erm... actually i eat alot in sch... but in the end.. i vomited everything out.. sianz.. so i dun really feel well in sch.. i oso feel veri uncomfortable in sch.. like everything around me is veri weird n strange.. lecturers, friends, place, everything! hope i can get use to it asap..

and anyway, abt the fanclub thing.. i think i will wait till i can make my own decisions den i will join.. so JJ Federation, u muz wait for me! i will somehow join the fanclub one day!!! i will oso listen to my "boss", to be happy and brave when facing all challenges!! i will not let u down!! KFP rocks!! but den i m gaining weight.. so "boss" i dun think i can be the role model for the rest in KFP.. hahax..>.<

ok.. write until here..

realise somethings we do is juz not rite..

sch have started.. veri tired.. cos the previous day n today have to wake up veri early.. not veri use to it.. so veri tired.. alr start lectures n have some work to do alr.. quite busy.. but u noe y i blogging now.. COS I TMR GOT NO LESSON!!! YEAH!!! I DUN NID TO GO SCH!!! I CAN LAZE AT HOME N................................................................................... do my hmwk... haiz.. -_-"

today went on to HIYOUYOU.. quite disappointed with wad they write.. we all love JJ, but y do this? haiz.. i cannot rmb whether i did it b4 too.. but wad i wan to say here is.. we all r JMs.. we love JJ.. we wan to do something for him.. but juz sometimes, juz becos we love him so much tt we wanted to protect him from anything tt hurts him, n harm him.. but now i realise somethings we do r juz wrong.. i'm veri sorry, JJ.. we somehow hurt u when we r trying to protect u.. i m really veri sry.. n JMs.. i m sorry too if i ever did all this..

Happy day!!

hey hey!! today went to yvonne's stall to celebrate zhen hong's birthday which is tmr!! 14/4!! hahax..

yvonne came to fetch us, den after tt we have our lunch.. we start talking alot abt schools.. XP

after lunch, i went into the kitchen n brought out zhen hong's birthday cake, yvonne bought! the cake look veri nice n taste veri good!!(will show the pic of the cake after yvonne send me the pics..) den after the songs, wishing n cutting of cakes.. zhen hong keep on wanting to open the presents.. actually yun fang one no need to open.. hahax.. only mine need.. >.<"

after he open.. he saw the kola bear soft toy, he juz keep on hugging it.. hahax.. like a little girl!! hahahahahahahaha!!!! will post the pics afterwards..

after tt we continue talking abt schools, n den we go home!!! this maybe the last time we r meeting so is like veri.. i dunno wad to say lah.. hahax.. XD but i will miss u guys!!

actually got something i wan to say.. but i scared u all will worry.. since is a happy day.. i didnt really wan to talk abt it.. XP

i'm sorry tt i didnt tell u all abt my recent health conditions.. although i did not see a doctor, or have a check up.. but i juz dun feel rite.. recent i cannot focus on things properly.. n when i start to run or jump, more of jumping, becos when the feet touch the ground, the left side of my head will hurt alot.. and the whole left side of my body( my hands, legs, n ear) juz stop functioning, or somehow it dun react for a few seconds.. (i cannot move my hands, n legs, n i cannot hear).. sometimes it may even hurt abit when i m walking.. it maybe becos of my ear.. but i dunno if there maybe some other reasons.. i dun wan to noe the reasons.. so i will not be goin to the doctor to have a check up..

sry to let everybody worry.. if u dun care.. tt is really good for u.. XD

here's the pictures!

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY ZHEN HONG!!!!

school starts..

HIIIIIIIII!!!! like veri long time nv blog.. but is only 2 days.. hahax..

goin to start sch alr!! but b4 sch starts i alr make lots of friends.. XD
ytd's flag day is super tiring.. i stand there for so long.. ask non-stop but in the end.. all the donation i got $23.51.. somemore the 1cent is not singapore money.. sianz.. i didnt reach $30!!! i think i goin to die le..

haiz.. now veri tired.. i think is becos veri long nv walk around.. den ytd i was like standing in the sun for hours.. so now.. having aches everywhere..

i m happy tt sch is starting.. becos i can make lots of friends n got things to do.. rather den stay at home n rot.. but i dun wan to start sch too.. becos like tt i got lots of things to do.. den no time go HIYOUYOU to see JJ liao.. haiz...

i juz happen to come across a JJFC member.. i dunno is a he or she.. but i think is she.. so i asked her abt getting in JJFC.. she said tt.. nid to pay $18 to join n $8 for the shirt..i was thinking, "juz pay lor.." but i den think of n mother n sister.. i think they will kill me if i do tt.. i m so dead.. i dunno wad to do.. should i or should i not join.. haiz.. have to discuss with my mother.. but i can confirm tt she definitely wont agree with this.. haiz..

HOW????!!?!!

JJ和JM一同出去玩

JJ，今天看了你的Blog，看你玩得很开心，脑海里突然间浮现一个念头！那就是想问一问，你有没有想过带几个JM一起出去玩的想法呢？如果你没有想过，那从现在开始，你可以考虑看看吗？我来自新加坡，所以当然希望你能带其他来自不同地区的JM来逛逛新加坡！哈哈！这样以来可以让JM更进一步的认识你,而且大家也可以像好朋友一样玩得很疯！

the cockroach.. OMG!

HEY HEY HEY!!!

actually i got nth to say.. but i'm veri veri bored so come here n blog..

let me think wad to write.. hmm..

oh! i haven't finish my math hmwk!! i'm so dead!! haiz.. later early in the morning den do lah.. veri lazy to think abt math..

OH! n another thing happen juz now.. i killed a cockroach!!! that is juz so gross.. i dun wan to think abt it liao..

CLS games day 4/4/2008

hey hey!! now is 12.17am.. 5/4/2008.. so wad i m goin to say is wad i do on the 4/4/2008..

today.. went to the CLS Games Day.. i reach there around 8.30am+.. so is consider quite early.. cos it start at 9am.. den after tt some of the early comers n i form a group.. n we all were lead by a GL(group leader.. but we r not in groups yet...), his name is Chin How.. n his lao po, Cherrie.. also i noe tt one of the GLs is call "Kimchi" hahax.. i noe is bad to laugh at other ppl names.. fine..

after playing some small games.. is time for the forfeiters to perform.. we got a banana dance, watermelon dance, n a papaya dance.. super duper funny.. plus another GLs dance n pole-dancing.. hahax..

after all the dancing.. we were den being separated into groups.. n my Papa n Mama(my group leaders) is Chin How&Cherrie(this is juz so.. hahax..) we play the same games tt was played earlier.. hahax.. but it was still veri fun.. den we create our group name which is, "Cannon".. abit weird but nice to say.. hahax.. den we create our own cheers.. u will be thinking like.. so sians.. like all the camps n day camps do de.. but this time is different.. we have to use our own cheers to win our own lunch, get our stations tasks, n most important of all.. to get "THE BALLS"!!!

u will be thinking like wad the hell is it.. now i tell u starting from the stations..

the first station:
we have to use 2buckets(1 with cracks at the bottom so tt u cannot store any water inside, the other one is perfect..) to catch water bombs that were thrown by some of the groups members.. while playing this game, the GMs(Game Master) n the seniors will use water guns to shoot us.. making us wet.. after tt we finish this task,, we have to do another thing which is the caterpillar.. i dun like it at all.. cos the guy behind me in super heavy.. haha..

the second station:
we first came to a veri muddy part of the field.. den wad we do there is tt we have to slide on a piece of big big plastic sheet which is covered by soap(detergent) n mud.. den after tt we have to roll back to the starting point(means rolling in the mud).. in the end.. after all the rolling n the massaging of all the guys stomach using mud.. i realised tt we r not allow to bath le den continue.. we only can wash our hands, legs n face.. we cannot wash the clothes.. or juz even rinse them.. so can u imagine u have to walk around in clothes tt have all the muddy soap water dripping down ur leg.. eeewwwwwwwwww...

the third station:
here.. we play some stupid games.. but fun.. we r suppose to be blindfolded den after tt we have to find our partners.. by differentiating the voice usng 2 words.. guys will say"ice" girls will say "cube" den in btw.. the GMs will try to distract us by using paints to draw us.. this station makes me so colourful!!! -_-"
n in this round.. the guys is the most poor thing one.. they were force to perform a "gays 12P".. so poor thing.. haiz.. but so funny!!! fine..

the fourth station:
this one is abit messy so i wont be saying much.. but the worst thing we did here is the "using ur tongue to pass a rubber band around.." is so gross..

the fifth station:
in this station we were ask to find objects tt is in the garden.. but the most memorable thing is tt we have to use our teeth to pass a small bit crumb of biscuit.. this is veri obvious.. the kissing part is here.. is so gross.. nvm abt this..

the treasure hunt:
we have to find our groups de "BALLS".. we r not allow to take other groups balls.. there are oso be many "devils" walking around to catch ur group to n may confiscate some of ur balls.. n there are also "angels" walking around to give to balls.. in the end.. my group won!!! hahax.. super fun!! we got the most balls.. but the process of getting so much balls is not so easy.. let me tell u wad we did to be a winner:

1. a sexy chicken dance


2. banana dance


3. girls smacking guys butt


4. guys have to seduce the devil boy, girls have to seduce the devil girl


5. have legs tied together


6. many many cheers..


7. without knowing tt we had lost 2 group members whose legs got tied together


8. running around


9. lying on the basketball court with many ppl looking


10. swim in the basketball court


11. do the cheers while u r lying down


12. lots of pole-dancing


13. hiding like a wanted prisoner

this is all the things we have to do.. to be the winner.. not easy eh? hahax..

anyway.. my GL Chin How look so like kun sheng, n one of my group members,yong jian look like a skinny version of jing de with specs.. n i saw a senior tt look exactly like mr heng without specs.. hahax.. funny rite?

ok.. the end.. oh! i brought back some souvenirs back while rolling in the mud!!

不忍心。。

刚才上悠悠的时候，看到了一位JM跟我们分享了他的心情。。。

http://bbs.youyou.com/viewthread.php?tid=56907&extra=page%3D1

看了过后。。。我心里突然之间变得很难过，很难受。
我很舍不得俊杰这个样子。。。
因为这样让我觉得心很痛。。。
JJ，我发现到。。。
你对JM的好。。
是。。是无法用言语来形容的。。。
怪不得，JM都越来越爱你，支持你和相信你。。
。
JJ，你要真的好好爱惜自己的身子。。
不要忙坏喽！

没有林俊杰，我真的会死！

我发现到，现在的我。。
没有林俊杰，我真的会死！
那天的愚人节笑话，让我发现，我不能没有俊杰。。
我不能离开他。。
当我看到那篇文章时。。
我的眼泪不停的流。。
脑子一片空白。。
心里感到很担心，难过。。
又很复杂。。思绪都乱成一团。。

小杰，我知道你也很辛苦。。
你为大家所做的。。
我们都看到，感受到了。。
但是，你一定要继续加油！
我们都在支持你，因为我们相信你！

所以。。。


林小杰！你给我听清楚！！
你要离开，我们JM也不会让你走的！！
如果你真的舍得抛弃我们JM，
我一定要你好看！！

小心点喔～！

林老板，我老实说一句。。
你刚才那个笑话真的很不好笑。。
幸好我的心脏还撑得住。。
要不然，早就因惊吓过度而送进医院了。。
希望你以后不要再这样了。。
我们ＪＭ也会想尽办法来整你的。。
林小杰，小心点喔～！哈哈！

我吓坏了！

小鬼，你是在开我们JM 的玩笑对吧？
你不是真的要退出乐坛的对吧？
你是因为今天是愚人节，所以才这样的吧？
你是在说谎对吗？
请你尽快的回复我们好吗？
我刚才都被吓哭了！
你要怎么赔偿JM们的心灵创伤？！
这种事情是不可以拿来开玩笑的，你知道吗？！
我们JM都会被你吓死的！
拜托你出来说说话好吗？
虽然看到几个JM留言说是假的。。
但是你不出来澄清。。
我真的很不放心。。
不要在吓我们了好吗？
我今天真的会睡不着。。

JJ Ferderation Logos

draw these few days ago..
is a logo design for JJ Federation..
hope all of u can give some comments..
n state the one u prefer (top/center/last)..
this is veri important to me!!
thank you!

i found the book!!!

today went back to loyang to take the o lvl cert.. veri sian have to see the results again.. but nvm.. i saw many ppl goin back to take oso.. den after tt i was bringing my laptop around.. is like super heavy can!!! wadever.. den went to whitesands with sarah n yvonne.. we go see yun fang den after tt go burger king eat..

yvonne got a sore throat, yun fang is having a veri veri serious flu.. sarah did not take her med.. all this ppl dunno wad they thinking.. yun fang leh.. sick until like tt still wan to go work.. yvonne leh.. sore throat still eat burger king.. sarah leh.. she dun even bother to take care of herself.. 你们真的把我给气死了!!! haiz..

after tt yvonne went back.. den sarah n i go SP together to get my laptop self-certified.. now my com super lag can!!! forget it.. juz blame me tt i m in SP.. den we spend like 2-3 hours in the stupid small room with lots of new students n laptops.. the most frustrating part is the part where sarah n i couldnt find our way to the self-cert room.. n couldnt find our way back to where we came from.. but in the end we manage to get out of the freaking place..

den my sister, sarah n i went to KFC to eat dinner.. hahax.. tell u all one big good news!!!

I FOUND THE BOOK I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!! "THE PERFECT GIRL", 《最完美的女孩》. I FOUND IT AT LAST.. immediately i went to borrow it.. hahaz.. SUPER HAPPY!!!

read the first few parts.. quite exciting.. hahax.. i wonder wad will happen in the middle.. SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!!

ok den.. nth to write le.. goin to JJ's blog to see.. BYE BYE!!!

understanding..

请不要以为你们很了解我。
我的感受是你们无法了解的。
被父亲抛弃的感受，
等待美满家庭的感受，
被家人每次责怪的感受，
看着心爱的人牵着女友的感受，
爱上一个不该爱的人的感受，
等待有人来疼爱的感受。。

这些痛。。
你们是感受不到的。。
而且你们也无法让我忘记这些痛。。
唯有JJ可以这么做。。

他的音乐。。
他的开朗。。
他的笑容。。
他的一切。。
可以让我忘记我的痛。。
让我松懈我的心情。。

is all becos of u..

is all becos of u..

that is why i'm keeping myself happy..

is all for u my dear..

JJ.. is all becos of u..

that is why i'm keeping myself happy..

JJ.. is all for u my dear..

i will love u with all my heart..

i will support u forever..

is all becos of u..

俊杰！生日快乐！

俊杰！生日快乐！

祝你所有的梦想，理想和愿望都能够实现！

我会永远支持你的！

还有要祝你，

身体健康，

唱片大卖，

《原來我不帥》的原声带和DVD都能大卖，

还有事事都平安，顺利！


永远爱你和支持你的，

　小开

JJ!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~!!!

MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS & WISHES COME TRUE!!!

I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU!!!

I LIKE TO WISH YOU,

ALL THE BEST IN ALL THE UPCOMING EVENTS!!!

AND HAVE A SUCCESSFUL YEAR AHEAD!!!

STAY HEALTHY!!

With l0ts of l0ves,

j0viaL

a lot to say..

hey hey!!! a few days nv blog liao.. let me tell u wad happen on the 22nd, 23rd n today!!

22nd mar,
i went out with sarah in the afternoon, around 2pm.. we took mrt all the way to Jurong East, n took a free shuttle bus to IMM!!! do u noe why i go there? it is becos of..... JJ 林俊杰!!!! cos he got a autograph session, n 金莎 is also there!!! although it was raining heavily (n i m drench) n i didnt buy his album (cos i got no money), but i still wait for JJ to come (he was late for abt an hour, but i dun mind).. i did not regret for waiting so long, cos i finally can see HIM!!!!! AHHH!!! >.< style="font-size:130%;color:#000099;">JJ 林俊杰!!! so i got no choice.. but to accompany her to the supermarket.. n the whole day until 7.30pm, she juz order me around the house.. ask me to do this n that.. haiz.. nvm.. if is for JJ, i dun mind a thing!!

i was really enjoying the whole show, although is not like in the stadium so high, but i still can feel the "high-ness" there!! hahax.. i love it!!! got any comments u wan to say abt the S-POP Hurray tt is on sunday, 23/3, 7.30pm.. pls tag.. thank you! =D

abt today,
i woke up super early to bath!!! u noe y? dun worry.. is not abt JJ again.. is becos i have to go to sch for a briefing.. so have to wake up early to bath, n take bus to interchange n mrt all the way to dover.. hahax.. i stand quite a number of stops but nvm.. will get use to it de.. plus the previous night my sis say i nid to bring laptop to sch everyday.. i was like.. OMG!!! i think i abt it.. although my laptop is quite heavy.. but i will get use to it.. today the briefing is quite ok.. not really veri boring.. den one n a half hour later.. i took mrt back to whitesands.. den went there to see yun fang.. chat with her.. den after tt saw sarah.. we go eat.. den go home le..

one more thing i like to show all of u.. today when i alight the bus.. n walking back home i saw something tt really make me heartache.. i will post the pics by there links.. cos i scared some of u dun dare to see.. but i can promise u is not bloody..

Click Here To See What It Is..

Click Here To See How It Really Look Like..

good friday

ytd went out with sarah.. we went to her church for some events.. den after tt go eat something.. during the dinner.. i took lots of pictures.. but u noe wad? i accidentally delete everything.. hahax.. sarah.. sry arh.. veri fast goin 11pm.. so we rushed to the bus interchange to take bus 3.. after tt we all went home..

my sister stay over at her friends house.. so the whole room is mine.. but in the end.. my mother wan to share the room.. haiz.. nvm.. i uploaded the rest of the photos tt i have not deleted.. n was having a headache.. so went to slp..

today morning wake up.. feel veri fan.. den zhen hong still call me.. super irritating!!! dunno wad to say lah.. juz hope yvonne reply soon..

enrolment day!!!

went for enrolment today.. got lost in the sch.. hahax.. cos the sch too big.. plus is under construction!!!

but in the end.. i found the place n got enroled!!! den went through lots n lots of clubs n ccas.. n tt was super tiring.. u noe y i didnt leave at once? cos all the exits r BLOCK!!! they super clever.. block all the exits.. n if we want to leave.. we have to finish walking the whole ccas n clubs rooms.. haiz.. their IQ veri high arh..

ok say until here..

is so sickening!! i hate it man!! i feel like killing ppl!! this is too much!!!

snow..

今天觉得心里闷闷的。不知道为什么，总觉得很悲伤，很想哭。是因为追偶像的事情，还是因为很快就要开学的原故？就怎么样都笑不起来。今天叹了很多次的气。。心情还是这个样子。。算了，可能睡一觉明天醒来就没事了。

突然好想看到雪喔。。从来都没有看过雪。。下雪的时候应该很美吧。。

偶像迷

今天上了悠悠。我发现到我好像没有追偶像的资格。因为我不知道要怎么追。。他们的所有活动我都没有去或参加。。因为我根本不能去。。我也没有钱买他们的专辑。。Haiz..我真的觉得我自己很没有用。。自己没有那个能力还要学别人追偶像。。真是想哭。。

check-up done!!!

YEAH!! today finish my medical check up le!! went with sarah.. we had our check-up done at the same time same place.. hahax..

haiz.. gain 3kg.. n shrink by 2cm.. super sad now.. but nvm.. i still post it on my profile le like wad i promise.. i dun mind abt my weight.. but my height.. haiz.. I WAN TO GROW TALLER!!!

if anybody noe how to make a 16years old girl to grow taler, pls tell me through the tag board.. thank you!

continue today's journey.. after the check up.. we went to the mall near by.. we eat long john, play arcade, n watch ppl ice-skate.. hahax.. it was really veri cold there.. those little girls skate until veri pro!!cos they got a personal coach.. hahax.. but they r really veri young.. i think they primary 3-4 only.. SUPER PRO!! hahax.. i oso got learn abit last time.. I GOT CERT DE HOR!! but now everything forget le.. hahax..

den after tt we took mrt home. sarah alighted at bugis.. n i take all the way to simei.. cos i feel veri bored.. so suddenly wan to see the puppies, kittens, hamters n rabbits.. took some pics of the puppies.. later will put it up..

b4 i went home.. i ran through all the books in the whitesands library.. juz to find the book name.. "The Perfect Girl".. if anybody had read this book b4, pls tell me more abt the book.. thank you!

ok nth more to write.. will see whether to continue tmr..

JM n JJ Federation

today is a super cold day.. not only today.. these few days r all veri cold days.. dunno wad happen to the weather.. i wear jacket everyday.. den keep on raining n raining.. haiz.. the clothes juz cant dry..

today sarah came to my house.. we watch some videos, den after tt do some poly stuff.. after a while, we got nth to do.. so we watch the vcd sarah brought.. hahax.. around 6.30.. she went home.. den i was alone at home again..

today, i super guai.. i did all the housework i have to do.. hahax.. my mother didnt say a thing today.. super happy de!! first time living in now this kind of condition i feel happy.. hahax..

and also i now working veri hard to become a JM to join the JJ Federation!! hahax.. anyone wan to join me? u can go to JJ's website..

hahax.. ok lah... nth much to write le.. bye!

忍耐的限度

我已经哭到没有泪水了。
我已经哭到没有声音了。
我已经哭到没有力气再哭下去了。

我只想麻烦这个家，
不要再让我这样的哭下去了。

我不是出气筒。
我不是没有感觉的。
我不是耳聋的。
我不是瞎子。
我更不是。。小丑。

我真的已经很累了。
我现在已经开不起任何的玩笑，
或是忍受任何的愚闹了。
所以，请拜托个位，不要把我当小丑。
请不要以为作弄我，我就不会生气。
你们要知道，人的忍耐是有限度的。
我在这里很诚恳的拜托你们了。

我好想你。。回来找我好吗？

昨天晚上，我做梦梦到“喵喵”。也就是我那时候每次上学时，都会跟着我的小猫。。我想我是因为太想它了。。今天一起身，我就大哭一场！因为“喵喵”已经不在我身边，我再也看不到它了。。它死了。。被车撞死的。。我再也看不到它了。。“喵喵”我好想你。。你回来找我好吗？

LUCKY!!!

LUCKY!!! i love it man!!! today dun have check-up cos the appointment is full.. YES!!! still got time to slim down.. super happy!!! so love today!! bought lots of shirts n pants.. spend lots of money.. n the poly fees r paid!! 20th still have to go for check-up.. but nvm.. at least by tt time i wont be so worry abt my weight.. after my check-up, i post my weight n height in my profile.. hahax.. den u all will noe how not slim i m.. hahax..

later den continue.. see got wad thing interesting..

ken lee...

i almost forget something!! i wan to show everyone wad my sister show me the other day..






hope u all will love it!!

小莊~!!!

今天看了《原来我不帅》第九集。小莊好可憐呀﹗心婷好狠心！我觉得嫚嫚说得对！心婷拒绝他，只用另一种方式来伤害小莊而已。看到小莊那么的伤心，我心里也不好受。。我一定要继续看下去，因为我知道小莊会有福报的！

明天就要去做身体检查！！！好可怕喔！！真的很不想去。。可是还是没办法。。我看我还是面对现实吧！肥就肥，谁怕谁啊！没长高就算了！还是现在去做一点心理准备吧！拜拜！

not feeling well..

i went to bugis today for the gong zhu xiao mei thing. but i the end i didnt see their faces.. but nvm.. i went to the library to have a look.. i first time see such a big library!!! nvm abt tt.. i now not feeling veri well.. i cannot life up my right arm.. once i lift up, my right side of my stomach.. not really is stomach lah.. but juz veri pain.. i now dun even dare to move myself.. i wanted to get down the bed.. but i scared to move.. and nowadays.. i having headaches.. i dunno wad is goin on.. i think i got wad kind of illness or something.. can it be cancer?! i so dun wan to go check up.. cos i will noe a lot of my problems.. although i might not have any.. but wad if i have?!! and i oso dun wan to noe my weight.. cos once i noe.. tt will be so heart breaking.. haiz..

i wan to be stretch vertically, not horizontally!!!

the opposite..

my life is getting weird.. i woke in the afternoon, n slp in the morning.. getting more n more tired each day.. trying veri hard to get back the old routine.. so tmr i decide to go bugis for the nan feng si jue thing.. like tt at least i got something to wake up for in the morning.. den i can slp early at night.. hope this work.. if it doesn't work, den is the end for me..

computer problems..

feeling much better today.. i finish my pre-enrolment in the morning, i think around 2am.. den i got an appointment on the 19th.. haiz.. next week have to go to the bank for the payment. den after tt still got medical check up.

these few days keep on raining.. wan to go out oso veri difficult.. oso the clothes juz wont dry.. haiz.. i think one day i got no clothes to wear.. hahax..

my computer still got problem.. haiz.. super ma fan.. i dunno wad is wrong.. when i open the chinese software, the internet explorer automatically close. and my window media player will stop working. haiz.. wad to do? i oso not free to bring my com for repair.. headache ah..

hope someone can help me with this problem. if not my com one day will become siao.. den cannot on anymore..

ANOTHER DAY

today my mother talk abt money again.. i really hate it when she start this topic.. becos after talking abt the poly fees, she will talk abt the utilities bills, den she will start talking abt how my father dun wan to spend the money on my sister's sch fees.. den she will start talking abt the things he do, say all his bad stuffs.. den in the end, she will ask me to take money from him, becos she dun wan to talk to him.. i hate to heard them quarrel.. and all they talk abt is money.. n my mother will always use my sister and i as excuse.. for the stupid money!

nvm.. i dun wan to continue anymore.. goin to cry le..

r they my parents???

i hate my parents!!!! both of them r liars!!! they sucks!! they always lie to me!!! y do i have such parents?! i had enough!! enough of all these lying!! juz becos they hate each other!! juz becos they r alr divorce!! they r too much!!! my sister treat me the best! she nv lie to me! nobody will understand how i m feeling now.. n i think nobody will listen to me..

i m tired.. veri tired.. i m crying everyday becos of all these family matters.. i really had enough.. really veri tired.. having to put a smile on my face everyday, to me is veri difficult.. especially smiling in front of my parents, make me sick!!! i cannot cry in front of my friends!! some of them will be worried, and some will be tired of it.. i cannot let me sister worry abt me too.. wad am i goin to do?!

ENROLMENT PACKAGE!!!

YEAH!!! I GOT MY ENROLMENT PACKAGE YESTERDAY!!! super happy, n frustrated. becos the instructions in the enrolment package is super confusing. u dun even noe wad is wad, n wad to do with it. somemore veri few friends same sch as me, so the enrolment method is different, cannot find anybody to discuss with. lucky my sis have the experience, if not i die alr. plus i got some help from xiu huan too!!!

sunday is the day!!! Gong Zhu Xiao Mei coming to singapore!!! waiting for my NanFeng Ling, Hu Yu Wei!!! Ahhh!!! but dunno whether can go or not.. see first bah.. hahax.. ok.. gtg.. have to do some research on the enrolment thing.. bb!

29 feb, fun day!!!

today went to yvonne's house. her new house not as big as her old house, but is still veri nice. =D i went there to clean the windows, although i didnt clean much becos i too short, cannot reach the top of the windows.. hahax.. zhen hong today do a lot of things, but he couldn't get anything rite. this make yun fang veri headache. hahax.. den after we finish everything, we sit on the clean clean floor, n eat donuts. yummy!! =D after tt, we start to pack up, clean up, n everything, den we went to whitesands for KFC, den went to arcade to play!!! yeah!! den came home, until now den can settle down to write something.

i heard from zhi xian tt she got her enrolment package alr!! i was so so shock!! she says she juz got it, but i haven't get any!! i'm now so so worry abt the letter not coming. haiz.. nvm.. goin to go play games le.. good nite!!

crazy me..

我真的快被逼疯了！！！

yvonne's house.

yeah!! friday goin yvonne's house, new house to help her with the moving house things.. like wiping the windows n sweeping the floor n PAINTING THE CUPBOARD!!! yeah!!! i'm loving it.. hahax.. ok lah.. dun say le.. got nth to say oso.. nth much happen to me recently.. juz bored at home.. got no work.. sianz.. nvm.. ok.. gtg.. bb.. nite..

salted clothes.. hahax.. >.<

juz now got ppl come n see the house.. veri sianz.. dunno when goin to move out. dun even noe where i m goin to stay..i sooo hope tt i can faster move out of this house.. haiz..i m super bored now.. later goin to do some housework.. but tt will only occupy me for a while. den the rest of the day i m dead.. haiz.. wad to do? dun have job is like tt de lah.. ok den.. now i goin to do the housework.. i oso dunno how come my house suddenly got so many clothes to wash n iron.. so weird.. maybe there suddenly got somebody extra in the house my family dunno? hahax..

oh ya! another thing is ytd when i was folding clothes, i smell something veri yucky.. guess wad? is salted fish!!! all the clothes i m folding have tt yucky smell.. my sister oso cannot tahan.. so she demand tt the clothes must be wash again.. so waste water.. but i agree with tt idea.. cos i oso cannot tahan the smell.. hahax.. u noe y got tt smell becos my mother cook salted fish.. and the clothes r hanging in the kitchen.. hahax..

ok lah.. dun say le.. goin alr.. hope i dun smell those things again.. hahax.. @_@

dying bored

now veri bored. super bored. dying tt kind of bored. cant find any online games to play, nobody to talk to, and cannot watch tv. wad the hell!!! haiz.. wad to do?!! i m dying!!! now even worse.. i dun even noe wad to write.. wadever... i go find some emoticons..

the shadow fox.. =D

hey hey!! today.. i mean ytd.. i went out with sarah.. we went to bugis.. den after tt we went to tanjong pagar to find kok ming. hahax.. den after tt we force him to go pasir ris with us. hahax.. so poor thing. after eating dinner.. kok ming went home.. i n sarah take bus together.. on the bus sarah made some shape using her hand.. n i found something interesting.. hahax.. see..

can u see wad it is?

to me it look like an animal.. something like a fox.. hahax..

i got lots of rainbows.. hahax..

sickening house..

HIII!!! few days nv write liao.. ytd went to yvonne house to bai nian.. from 2.30pm stay until veri late.. 9.45pm. we ate a lot.. n is really a lot!!! we had lots of fun.. den blah blah blah.. hahax.. too much things happen dunno how to say..

juz like tt lor.. nth much to write oso.. later goin out with sarah.. i think oso veri late come back n den get scolded again.. haiz.. nvm.. get use to it can liao.. mother only care tt i go back home late.. den nobody do housework for her.. at least my friends still ask me to call them when i reach home. haiz..

one more thing i almost forgot.. ytd.. before i went out.. got some man.. from the singpore dunno wad utilities dunno wad.. came to cut off my house de electricity supply (but it didnt get cut in the end).. but during tt time i was playing com.. i talk to the man.. den after tt i call my mother.. den she ask me to call my father.. den after tt my father ask me to pass the phone to the man. den after tt my mother called.. after she hangs up my father called.. wadever lah.. i oso dunno wad i talking.. wad i wan to say is tt this house is driving me crazy!!! my parents r oso driving me crazy.. i so wan to move out of here.. staying here is making me sick.. haiz... wadever lah!!!

posting results..

this morning i switch on my phone and receive a sms from MOE.. i got into singapore poly food science & technology.. a bit disappointed though.. but dunno lah.. so quite happy.. haiz.. this morning ask around le.. nobody go SP.. i feel like crying.. i m so alone.. haiz.. wad to do? nvm.. i m happy tt i m in sp can le.. hahax.. anybody who r goin to sp can tell me? sms me if u got my number..


SP FOOD SCIENCE &TECHNOLOGY!!! YEAH!!!

tmr is the posting results..

so... the posting results is tmr.. i really got no idea until i saw many ppl put tt the results is out tmr.. now feeling a bit worried, scared, and nth. nvm.. results r out.. dun care go still have to study.. so no point.. i have decided.. no matter i go into wad cos.. even the cos tt i dun like the most i will still study veri hard.. cos my sister say study hard get good results at least still got a chance of getting a high pay job, but if got bad results, dun even have a chance.. so goin to study veri hard like my sister, n get a scholarship like my sister.. hahax.. so is tmr.. got to get ready..


YEAH!!!

missing u

u cant feel anything, can u?
so wad is the point.. making myself so miserable juz becos of u?

u cant see anything, can u?
so wad is the point of me.. trying to change for u?

u will nv like me, will u?
so wad is the point for me.. liking u so much?

u dont know, do u?
tt i have been crying..
becos i realised i have fallen in love with someone whom i noe tt he will nv like me.

u will nv care, will u?
so y do i bother to wait?

we will meet again, right?
hope tt is not the last time......

ngee ann city interview

today when to ngee ann city (we took a long time to find this place becos sarah walk the wrong direction) with sarah for interview.. not i interview lah.. but she made me wait super long.. tt one nvm.. the main thing is tt she made me wait at a place where there is nowhere to sit.. now my leg pain like wad like tt.. haiz.. den after tt we went back to pasir ris.. to whitesands to eat dinner.. den "da bao" something for my sister.. but she say i everytime buy.. she dun wan to eat. (but in the end, she still eat.. hahax.. >.<)

nth much to say today.. cos really not much things happen.. so i end here. (-.-)

stupid valentine's!!

today is valentine's day!!! but i'm now alone at home.. haiz.. nobody accompany me.. my sister now working.. now i feel super super lonely. yesterday i was wishing everybody "happy valentine's!" now leh.. dun have any valentine's mood at all.. sianz.. my father came home.. so sickening! he took my TV!!! now he is playing the stupid playstation. i still wan to watch tv de leh!! sick, sick, sickening!!! i think i goin to kill myself alr.

juz now my mother still "specially" call me to ask my father to pay up all the bills. like wad the hell!!! she dunno how to call him herself arh!! she think i wad?! messenger arh?! GRRRRR....!!! i goin crazy alr lah!! both my parents r crazy!! if she dun bother to talk to him, den dun ask to open up the bills lah!!! is not like he is blind or wad.. the whole big stack of bills is on the barcounter wad!! if he didnt open all the letters.. tt means he pretent nv see, and he dun wan to see lah!!! stupid!! she still wan me go see whether he got open the letters or not.. is like>>> -_-"
he open the letters or not is none of my business!!! i cannot tahan alr!! i goin to leave the house!! actually.. no. cos i got nowhere to go. so forget abt this idea.

wadever lah! feel so frustrated n angry n alot, alot lah!! dunno wad to say.. i go play game le lah!!!

valentine eve

today went to simei with zhen hong, yvonne n yun fang. actually rolf goin to come de, but den suddenly he say he nid to bring his cousin to arcade becos his cousin goin somewhere.. wadever lah.. all i wan to say is this make yvonne super angry. but den nvm.. maybe u all will think, got so many good place to go, y we go simei. we go simei is becos yvonne nid to send her sister's phone for repair. den after sending the phone for repair, we walk around eastpoint to find some place to eat. den after tt we went to a chinese thai restaurant to have our breakfast, lunch and dinner. hahax.. the food there not tt as bad as i think lah.

after eating, we walk around the mall look for CDs, VCDs and DVDs. BUT! we nv buy. hahax.. after tt we went to pet safari becos yvonne wanted to see somethings for her hamster. den we go see the puppies.. all of them r slping. i think is becos there is nobody there so they all went to slp.. after tt we went to yun fang house.. i oso dunno for wad.. i think is becos we cant think of anywhere to go..

we go yun fang house to eat n watch vcds.. den we stay until 7.49pm. veri late le so yun fang bring us to eastpoint. after tt yvonne stay outside the mall to wait for her mother n i n zhen hong went to take the mrt. blah blah blah.. i reach home to watch "romantic princess" den now sitting here blogging.. hahax.. veri funny.. ok.. nvm.. -_-"

ok, i stop here le. my hand veri tired. =)

technology.. haiz..

haiz.. now super bored + frustrated.. cos i cannot finish writing the lyrics.. i dun even noe how to write.. den the com stupid bluetooth thing go siao.. i think goin to go crazy liao.. this com always got alot of problems.. my handphone oso got something wrong.. nowadays the high technology, high until go siao.. sianz.. nvm.. i oso cannot do anything abt it. i wonder wad will happen to the ppl now if they dun have computers n handphones.. i think they will go siao too!! hahax.. like me!!

i was thinking if we dun have high technology, everything will go veri slow. the speed of working, the speed of moving around! den everybody can slowly take their time to do the things they have to do, so they wont be so stress up. but y do we want things to be faster? is it becos we cant wait? but tt not the reason. we now have everything so fast: emails, SMSes, fastfood, cars, phones.. everything! but many ppl still cant be patient, some cant even wait for 1 second!

as everything go faster, our expectations for speed is higher. haiz.. cant the world juz go slow? now even the ice r melting faster, n animals extinct faster. when can the world go slow? when everything start all over again?

valentine 2008

YEAH!!! tmr goin out!! although i dunno wad is it for.. but it looks like yvonne think is a special day.. she say can celebrate valentine's day together with yun fang, rolf and zhen hong.. haiz.. other ppl got partner to celebrate.. i dun have.. nvm.. i got my sister.. wait.. i dun think so. haiz... she have to work.. nvm..

today my mother went to the law firm for some housing thing.. haiz.. really worry wad will happen and where m i goin to live?! cant sell the house.. wadever.

lim said that i m feeling better.. i think is becos i blog everything here so i felt better bah. i now become cleverer liao. not like last time. last time got a blog, but dun wan to say anything. den after tt veri long time nv blog.. during those i feel super frustrated.. i think is becos all the problems i dun wan to say out den make myself miserable.. now everything is written out, i feel much much better den i think. now i oso try writing out kun sheng name, n stop hiding here n there. cos i was thinking there wont be any chance of me meeting him, so there is nth to fear. oso he wont be reading this blog. he dun even rmb me, so forget it. hahax.. and also ames i oso wrote his name in the previous entries. i was thinking if he noe how to read chinese n he read my blog, i think he will be super angry.. hahax.. xP

ok lah, dun write le.. veri tired.. goin to slp. good nite!!

rotting again

super bored now!!! dunno wad to do. cant slp oso. haiz. look like many ppl r busy with their work, some long time nv update blog, like me though my reason is lazy.. haha..-_- these 2-3 months, i have been at home n rot, not rot den is do house work, not do house work den play com. now com oso nth much to play, i went to dig out all the vcds to watch. watch finish le, really nth to do liao. so recently, blog alot.

anyway, today went out with sarah to watch CJ7. i met dorcas at the bus stop. she was goin to tampines. den after tt when to whitesands to eat den we when to tampines to watch movie. when reach tampines mall, i n sarah saw yi jie. after watching movie, sarah went to buy sushi. den we went home, taking bus 3. haiz... bus 3... my money fly away liao.... last time go anywhere only 45cents to 55cents.. now from tampines to pasir ris nid abt $1? heartache..

forget it.. transport is important. 13th goin out again. super tired. dunno yun fang got see those smses n reply to yvonne. if she didnt see den 13th we dun nid to go liao... rolf n zhen hong will be super sad. zhen hong sad is becos cannot see us. rolf sad is becos he cannot eat. hahax.. funny.. so lame.. -_-

boring...

等一下我就要出门了，去看电影『长江7号』。今天是姐姐第一天上班。她在她自己的学校里上班。虽然我觉得很奇怪，可是想了想，外面社会，真的有这样的地方实习吗？即使真的有，也应该不会让她们去吧。因为她们只是实习生。我现在还真是闷呀。没有游戏可以玩，所以就在这里打打字，打发打发时间。电脑最近出了一些问题，真不知道这电脑到底问题在哪里？开了这个，那个就不能开。真是奇怪呀！真希望有人可以来帮我。

the day out

今天本来打算和姐姐一起出去剪头发，可是当我们到了理发店的门外，看到理发店在休息，情人节那天才会开，我们俩真的是实在失望。但是，没关系，我和姐姐就到的熟食中心吃早餐。吃完后，我们就去买东西。本来应该买三样东西，但是，大多数的店都关了。幸好我们买到了Dettol，要不然真的很不值得出来一趟。哈哈！妈咪今天也回来了，把那有蟑螂碎尸的床单给洗了，心里真是痛快呀！就说到这儿。

the things tt i wanted to write when i dun have internet..

31/12/2007 1.07am
刚刚洗完澡出来。刚才被姐姐骂得稀里哗啦，还哭了起来。我承认我是一个没有用的人。我书读得不好，人也常常发呆又笨得要死，也难怪姐姐会这样的说我。等一下下午就要出门了。祝我好运吧！


31/12/2007 11.19pm
2007年的最后一天了。很快就要结束了。今天去了Ameera的BBQ，超级好玩的！玩了很多，很多的游戏！食物也很好吃！除了那个鱼丸。。好硬喔！刚刚又惹姐姐生气了。就因为我去看电视，没有陪她，就生气了。真是的！今天BBQ，发生了很多开心和不开心的事。先说开心的事情吧！今天开心的事情，对我来说就是可以看到俊豪，当然还有其他的同学。虽然，去的同班同学不是很多，但是我已经很满足了。一起玩游戏，吃东西，我就已经很满足了，我要求的不多。说到不开心的事情就是Joel的爸爸的到来。当然我不介意他来，他也是为了自己的女儿好。可是，对我来说是一件不开心的事情是因为，他的出现让俊豪还没有好好的庆祝，拿奖，就得赶回家。这样也就算了，本来我还打算和Joel留下来和其他的人一起庆祝，可是就是他那一句，不喜欢女儿和马来人在一起，就把她给赶回家。赶回家就算了，他也不可以过分到说因为是马来人所以不要她留下啊！他们也是我们的同学和朋友呀！什么爸爸吗？！算了！不要说这些有的没的了，只会惹得我心情不好。现在只要记得那一些美好的时光就好了。好了！2007年的最后一天，祝大家过一个美好，快乐又完整的最后一天！！！YEAH!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!新年快乐！！！

Although I am really quite frustrated with Joel’s father, but maybe I will just forget about it, because anyway is new year eve, is going to be a new year, so let all the bad, sad, angry, irritating, and whatever which is not nice to go away~!!!

OH!! And YOU, hope you have a happy, beautiful, and wonderful new year countdown, new year eve, and new year 2008!!! And may your new year be wonderful and successful! i love you!!HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


1/1/2008 5.34pm
好闷啊！！我快无聊死了！！明天振鸿他们就要开学了。和振鸿约好了，明天他放学后，我去接他。他们开学的可好了，不用在家里做一些有的没的，好像在等死这样。还真是羡慕他们呀！压力又没有我们这些要那成绩的人大，好命死了。好了不说了，明天姐姐还要上学，我看我还是多陪陪她吧。Bye bye, and happy new year!!!


2/1/2008 9.07pm
今天，到了学校去接振鸿。感触很多，因为好久好久没有看到穿着洛阳校服的人了。我自己本身也没什么机会穿了。不懂为什么，好想回去学校一趟。听振鸿说，学校变了很多，新的校长也不怎么样。那个Nasim依旧还在说一些有的没的废话。他还说，很多老师离开学校了。我知道大多数离开的老师们都是好老师，真是可惜呀！好怀念以前在学校的日子。和朋友在一起，吵吵闹闹的，哭哭啼啼的，还有嘻嘻哈哈的，非常的有人生乐趣。哪里像现在，每天闷在家里，不知道做什么好。可是，又不想上学。因为，很怕拿到成绩，很怕拿到不好的成绩。如果真的拿到了不理想的成绩，会有很多人瞧不起我。譬如，姐姐，蕴芳? Celeste? 还有那些一直以来都以为我很聪明的人。而且，不好的成绩，给姐姐看到了，她一定会说我笨，没有用。我承认，我是有一点慢和迟钝，可是，这并不代表我不聪明或者笨，我还是能思考到一些连姐姐都想不到的东西。我即使再不懂什么，我还不能算是一个笨蛋。好了不说了，只能靠自己的运气了。当然我还是希望会有好的成绩。祝我好运！


3/1/2008 6.07pm
今天，九点多起床。姐姐准备要去上学。吃了面包聊了几句就走了。我过后就收拾了背包，准备十点四十五出发去Whitesands shopping mall。收拾好了，就坐在客厅看电视。才看一会儿，十点多了。然后，换了衣服，打电话给Mummy，过后我就出去了。到了Whitesands的银行，排队，排了很长的时间，差不多从十一点到将近十二点才到我。办好手续后，就去了图书馆用电脑。我用了大概两个小时，就回家了。本来打算五点多去接振鸿，可是一回到家，头很痛，很晕，所以就没有去了。看了恶作据二吻，好好笑，心情也好很多。至少不会再去想成绩的事情。好了就说到这里吧，有一点累，想躺一下，晚安，BYE BYE！


4/1/2008 11.30pm
简直是莫名其妙！我没有开门给你，就把我骂到臭头！谁叫你忘记带钥匙，如果你有带的话，就不会搞得呆在外面进不来！我只是一时忘记你没有带钥匙，也不用把我骂成很像一无是处似的。什么跟什么，乱七八糟！什么事都是我的错，姐姐做错事你们两个就无所谓，根本就是很明显的偏心，还整天说“没有这种事，两个我都疼”。当我白痴还是三岁小孩子！我有那么好骗，那么好哄吗？！我不是笨蛋，不要以为我头脑有一点迟钝就是代表我想东西不会深入的去想。每一个动作，每一句话，我都看得很清除。我只想好好的聊，都不行。你们只会用钱来压我，根本没有想过我的感受！你们以为一架手机，一台手提电脑，还有给我钱出去，我就不会去想那么多了吗？我对这个家好失望。。有时后会想说，如果，我死了是不是可以不用再想家里的事了呢？那个不完美，不快乐，破碎的家庭。我不想再呆在这个家了，这里弄得我好烦，家不像家，这里只是一个睡觉的地方！可是，我又可以去哪里？真的好累。。真的好想死了就一了白了，什么都不用想，其他人也少了一些负担，因为少一个人花钱，少一个人吃饭，少一个人要养，少一个烦恼。不，不是一个，是很多个烦恼，反正家里人都觉得我笨，觉得我只会惹麻烦，不会读书，没有姐姐好，把我当白痴看，当白痴耍。明明就是偏心，为什么还要骗人？这样只会让别人受到更大的伤害。明天出门好了，免得呆在家被人嫌烦，嫌吵。为什么就没有人会懂我到底在想什么？！啊～！！！！！


5/1/2008 6.02pm
又来一个莫名其妙的人！什么跟什么吗？！只是随便说一句话就可以气成这个样子。随便说说，须要那么认真吗？！说我小气，说我白痴，说我是笨蛋，说我自私，你自己才是吧！把我说得一文不值，你自己也好不到哪里去！什么跟什么？！气死我了！！我已经很体谅你了LOR，你还嫌这嫌那，简直岂有此理！！！我真的快受不了了！！！我快被气疯了！！！真的很想死呀！！！我想她们应该是想我死，我不死她们不甘心。真的不知道拿什么来形容这个家。。不说了！越说越气！

凯议，我最恨的一个人。他简直是在骗我，整我，把我当白痴耍。从中三开始，他就说他喜欢我，要我和他在一起。但是，那个时候，我心里只有kun sheng所以，我不可能也没有办法和他在一起。就因为这样，我和他就再也没有联络或说过话，直到中四今年年中。我因为拒绝了他，感到内疚，所以写了一封信给他，向他道歉，说我们其实还可以从新来过。那时的我是因为要赶快忘掉他，才会这样做，因为俊豪说过，如果要忘掉一个人你必须喜欢上另外一个人。但是，不久后，我和他开始慢慢建立感情。在这段时间里，他对我很好，让迷失和没有诉苦对象的我渐渐的喜欢上他。我们谈了很多，一起笑，一起哭。但是，突然间，O’level考试到的时候，他对我非常的冷漠。当我觉得不对劲时，我发现到他看我的眼神变了。那冷漠的眼神，我一直都会记住。考试过后，完全没有他的消息。没有电话，没有简讯。这些就算了，当我有他的消息时，他对我说的第一段话就是：“We are from two total different world. I have been thinking for a very long. I realize that we should just be friends. I’m sorry if I have hurt you. I didn’t mean to. You are a nice girl. Can we just be friends like how we were in Sec 2? I’m really sorry. ” 这些话，我记得一清二楚。他还说他很内疚，希望我能把他当朋友，这就算原谅他。而我呢？ 我当然把他当朋友啦。我跟他说没关系，我不是一个会在乎这种事的人。好笑的是，他还真的相信。哈哈！ 拜托！

8/1/2008 11.38am
是时间该把他给忘了。已经五年了，我不可能五年，五年的等。如果真的是要我这样的等下去，我看我会受不了。难道，每次人家跟我说他喜欢我的时候，我要回复说我已经有喜欢的人了吗？！而且这个人从来不看我一眼，每次都欺负我，也从来没有对我说一句好听的话，甚至，他已经有了女朋友了。我不能每次都把我对他的感情当做是一个给爱情的借口啊！我也得继续我的生活！我不能每天都想着他呀！还是，这本来就是人的本性呢？人常常都想要得到那些很难得到的东西和人，是这样吧？凯议也是这样把，当我说我不能和他在一起，他很不气馁的告诉我他喜欢我，他也对我很好。但是，当我说我们可能可以在一起时，他却说我们俩是不可能的。我也一样吧，人家都已经有女朋友，而且还开开心心的在一起，我还是不死心，一直喜欢这他。我想，我应该是白痴吧！明明知道不可能，却还是一直呆呆的等下去。这给爱情的借口，真是伤人呀！



14/1/2008 11.13pm
我是多么的爱你，你却一去不回，你要我怎么取舍？为什么你要这样对我？我没有做出对不起你的事吧？即使真的有，你也不应该这样对我呀！我好恨你，但是，我无法恨你很久，因为我太爱你了。虽然我年纪小，不知道什么是爱，可是，可以想一个人想了五年，从来没有忘记他的脸，和所发生的所有事情，你不觉得很奇怪吗？这段感情，我花了小六半年的时间来搞清楚为什么我看到你会心跳加速，手心冒汗，脸部微热，才知道是喜欢你。本来以为是puppy love，一下子就没事了，可是，到了中一就开始很想你。你的模样一直出现在我脑海中，看到的每一个人，都长得很像你。过后，我花了两年时间，也就是中一和中二这段期间，上网找寻你的下落。因为很想知道你读哪一间学校，所以才这样。我知道我这样很像疯婆子，但是那是因为太想见你，想看看你已经长大成什么样子了。两年来，我都花很多心思在找你，花了很多时间在网页上，尤其是friendster。终于，到了中二年尾，我找到你了。那时，你还记得我的，MSN你也有和我说话，你也有时会记得以前发生的趣事，我们每次都会聊得很愉快。但是，这并不长久，和你谈了很多，最后还是从蕴芳那里知道了这件事。你有了女朋友。当时，我彻底的崩溃。我从来没有想过会有这样的事。我开始不敢和你多聊，因为怕自己会越限越深。过后，我实在忍不住了，便把事情告诉了俊豪乾哥。他却因为我每天在哭，所以骂了你一顿。虽然，我不知道他跟你说了些什么，但是那次之后，你不再和我谈天，甚至还说不认识我，不记得我。那时候，我很伤心，很失望。完全失去想活下去的意志，每天像个死人，没有心情吃，也不想玩乐。到现在，我虽然有心情吃喝玩乐，但是，每天都要戴着那不是我的面具，面对朋友，面对家人。真的好痛苦。。每天都得带着笑容，要不然身边的人就会问东问西，烦死了！Kun Sheng,我好想你呀，到今天，我还再为你掉眼泪。。我不知道我到底演戏要演到什么时候。我已经没有那个力气再笑了。。。


16/1/2008 12.33am
我。。应该是被领养回来的吧？身体里没有和父母相同的“颜色”。爸爸，妈妈，姐姐，爷爷，奶奶，外公和外婆，他们的头发和眼睛都是黑色的。只有我。。我的眼睛和头发都是褐色的。妈妈还说，刚刚出生时，我的头发是黄色的。我想出生那一段应该是假的，头发黄色那部分才是真的。我跟他们没有一点相象。被领养回来的机率很高。我到底是从哪里来的呢？好累。。先去睡了。。


17/1/2008 12.24am
我想我也和恩灿一样吧！我只是想一直在Kun Sheng的身边，然后和汉兴一样，看着他开心快乐，伤心难过，陪伴他度过每一个喜怒哀乐。可是，他的身边已经有了一个每天陪伴他的人了。当然，我也很高兴有人陪伴着他，只是。。那个人。。不是我。。是他的女朋友。最近脑海里一直浮现那天。。他跟他的女朋友和我擦肩而过时，所用来看我的眼神。。那个眼神一直都让我觉得，他还是记得我的。可是，我又不能确定是不是这样。。。

今天。。不，应该是昨天，我下午时到了附近的Sea Shell Park走走，想散散心。本来以为到了外面走走心情会变得好一些，可是。。好像没有分别。心情还是一样的沉重，心里一点也笑不起来。反而，变得更累，更烦。现在，不想想什么，只希望能安稳的睡觉。

还有一件事，不知道要不要写出来。这个梦是不是在告诉我，无论我为谁做一些特别的事，他们都不会看我一眼，不会理我，然后当做没一回事？我不想知道这个问题的答案。我很害怕，那个答案是我不想听到的。。。


18/1/2008 1.28am
我发现，我每次写日记的时间都是凌晨。。不说废话了，我看我还是说说我对昨天，也就是17/1/2008的看法。看到汉杰因为不要让自己受到伤害而想给自己借口说恩灿没有欺骗他，还逼恩灿说她没有欺骗他。这让我联想到我起初对Kun Sheng 不记得我的事情的反应。那时候，我像个疯婆子似的一直对自己说他没有忘记我，他还是记得我的，他只是想作弄我而已。但是，现实就是这个样子。有些东西或事情，一旦你知道了，你发现了，不管你再怎么欺骗自己，也是没有用的。因为，人的脑就是这个样子，一样对你很重要的人、事、物，只要你一知道它的秘密，你永远都忘不了。不管你用什么方法来忘记它，不理它，不相信它，在你脑海里，它已经是一个事实，一个不可能会改变的想法。当然，到现在我仍然相信，Kun Sheng 没有忘记我，他只是一时想不起来而已。或者，他只是想避开我。即使，他真的亲口跟我说，他不认识我，我还是会说服我自己，他没有忘记我。。。


22/1/2008 9.52am
后天成绩就要出来了，好恐怖喔！我真的没有想到会那么的快。。真的不想去拿成绩，怕会拿到我不想要的。真的很恐怖！不知道姐姐那时候是用什么心情去面对的。她真的好厉害喔！她的成绩又可以那么的好。哎。。我看我真的没有希望了。。我又笨又不会读书，脑筋也转得比其他人的慢。真的没有救了啦！我现在能做的就是尽量的不要去想那么多。我觉得如果我在想下去的话，我应该会被吓死吧！拿成绩当天，Kun Sheng 也会很害怕吧？我想他的成绩应该不会差到哪里去吧！因为他都可以进Pasir Ris Crest 的Express stream?，他的成绩应该很好。不是应该，是一定很好！突然觉得好累喔！我想晚上还是明天再说吧！我先写到这里。


23/1/2008 8.14pm
总觉得妈咪根本不把我当女儿看。我说我我要开学了，她都很像无所谓，但是唯一关于学校的事情她会在意的就是学费，讲的难听一点，她在乎的是钱。还有，每次我不做家务，她就会说：“要开学了，就帮我一下，难得可以在家做家务”。什么什么之类的话。本来就是把我当成女佣，或者只是一个在家里帮忙的人。算了，不说了，至少她还养了我十多年。明天就要拿考试成绩了，周围的人都觉得害怕，但是我好像什么感觉也没有。前几天还怕得要死，现在很像没有事情发生。不想说了，我要睡觉了，晚安！



24/1/2008 10.04am
好累呀！今天凌晨一点多才睡，就为了一个blogskin，把自己搞得那么累。我想了很久才决定把一切放进我的blog里面。我不管人家会怎么看我。我写我的，他们看就好了。待会儿就要那成绩了，虽然，到此刻还没有什么情绪或较大的反应，不会激动也没有在想什么。但是我总觉得我到了学校会怕到哭，哈哈！不要担心，我会尽量的控制自己的情绪，哈哈！现在暂时没有什么东西做，正在家里闷着。听听音乐，写写日记。好闷啊！我看我还是去找点东西来做好了，要不然还没有到学校就已经变一堆骨头了，哈哈！

finish.. o lvl finish!!

oh yeah!!! O' lvl finish le!!! veri veri long nv touch the blog liao. anyway oso dun feel like blogging these few days, only now veri sian, so blog for a while. examinations finish le, dunno wad to do oso. tmr still have to go back sch for a PAE thing. everybody went overseas le. veri sians.. like nth to do, but recently watching "The X-Family". super cute show!!! hahax.. X)

but a bit worry abt my results. didnt really prepare well. nvm.. is over le. when the result day coming near den worry bah. nth to do, nth to do, nth to do... sianz.. den i stop here bah.. nth to write oso.. hahax..

wad to do?

wad to do?! is alr 2 weeks away from o lvls.. and i m not concentrating!!! i m so dead can.. until now i still cannot do simple chemistry qns. i m so stupid! so dead so dead. wad to do?! someone have to teach me chemistry. but no point also. is alr 2 weeks away from o lvl. i cannot learn so much things in this 2 weeks!!! haiz.. i will try to read the textbook myself. if not wad to do? this is the only choice. unless my sis got the time to teach me. but she still got so much reports to do. and also cannot always ask her to help me. she will die. i got so so so much qns i dunno, and so much to ask. if i ask her, she will have no time to do her own reports n tutorials.

i hope someone in the class can help me with my chemistry. i wanted kok hao to help, but i dun even see him much in sch. somemore even if he is in sch i oso dun dare to ask. so pai seh.. haiz.. hope someone else can help me. maybe mus n jas can help a lot. but i also dun dare to ask so much, later they think i m so irritating. no matter wad, in the end, i still have to help myself, solve all the problems myself in the exam.

wad ever it is. i will try my best in all the subjects. i will try all my veri best to get 6 distinctions. so jia you!!!

horoscope from 20/9 - 26/9

for leo (me) :
星期四一定要“丢弃”你脾气不佳的性格，否则别人会有意无意地远离你。注重事业但也要重家庭，虽然参加各种社交活动有助于你的事业，但有时也要衡量轻重。感情方面，虽然你不爱他，他也会默默地在一旁守候，心情很复杂哦！

27/9 onwards de i tmr den update..

nth much.. really.

hmm.. nothing much to write, but i just feel like blogging.

today after school i went Tampines with Zhi Xian n Xin Yi. we go there eat and walk in and out of CD shops. i saw lots of 张栋梁. so shuai!! later post one picture of him. hahax..

O level is getting nearer each day. the nearer it get, the scarier it is. trying to studying hard, but just don't know how to.

my class was given lots of math homework. making everything more tense. it feels like o level is next week.

i think now i better finish up all my math, if not, i will be so dead. so bye bye~!

here u go.. =D

to all my darlings..

I like to thank all my darlings which have spend all their time at home, everyday, waiting for me to come back from sch.. but sometimes i neglected them.. i really feel veri bad abt tt.. sry..

my darlings: wen jie(rabbit), eeyor, pink bear, jun li(doggy), wen jun(teddy), xiao bai(seal), kitty, piggy, wan xuan(turtle) n mushy(mushroom).
of cos, the other 2 which got wrap up: zhi jie n you ya.

thank you all of u, especially wen jie, which was with me since i m born..

my o lvl is coming, so i hope all of u can give me ur full support.

thank you veri much.

these r my darlings..

dorcas n joel, i blog le.. happy?

i got this from my sis.. is veri cool..

sianz

prelims coming le.. nowadays keep on staying back to study in the library with alan they all.. no time to blog n dun feel like blogging.. hahax.. so long time nv blog. got back my math mock exam paper 1 today. i juz pass by 6 marks. but better den i didnt pass.. i will work harder to get higher marks.. tt siao one say next time passing mark is 45. siao!! impossible!! impossible for me to get such a good result. but anyway got back the chemistry mock test paper oso.. i score 22 for the section A of paper 2 n 21 for the paper 1. stupid me! i juz needed half mark to pass!! i'm so idiotic!! wadever.. i think if i really got study hard for the test, i wont fail. nvm.. forget it.

today history mock test i oso no hope. so dun bother to talk abt it. tmr got math tutorial. the siao one say tmr de tutorial is from 2pm-6pm. but better den not enough time to do anything. dun care lah.. 4hrs den 4 hrs lor.. as long as i learn something. did some studying in sch today. in the library n in the foyer. wadever lah.. now i go do some chemistry studying. yoshi!!!

not feeling well.

haiz.. these few days i was having heartache in sch. tt kind of feeling is like someone is using a needle pricking u. is a veri terrible feeling n i cant breath. somehow it feels like there is no air around u. terrible. horrible. worse than vegetable. not only in sch. at home oso like tt. wad is wrong with me?!

tmr i have SS test. n dunno when there will be a math test. i oso dunno whether i will have a physics re re test. n ms yang juz said tt there will be a english common test coming. so many tests, so much stress. really dunno wad to do.

got lots of hmwk oso. poa, math corrections, physics tys, chem tys, n lots of revision. more nagging oso, but this is fine. hahax.. =D

ok, gtg do more work. tmr still have to hand it up. if cant hand it up, i really dunno wad will happen to me or to the teacher. hahax.. =D ciao!

O lvl chinese oral

today i had my Chinese oral. it was very terrible. i went into the room for less than 5min n I'm out. these is so so terrible. but wad to do? is alr over. when in the holding room, kailing, shu mei, Celeste, jing yuan n me were chatting away, trying not to get too nervous. but one by one, each of them leave for the oral. when only left me n jing yuan, no matter how much we chat to distract ourselves, we still very scared. we even play game. we played 黑白配, scissor paper stone. n we still play guessing game n lots more. haiz.. but in the end i still cannot make it.

forget it.. dun talk abt it. so dead.

cute mah? the piggy is mine.

more or less.

o lvl coming. more work. more practice. more scolding. more nagging. more tutorials. more pressure. more tests n mock exam. more tiring. more complains. more experiment. n more..

BUT...
lesser time.

haiz.. sianz. tmr got physics test. math tutorial. 4hrs of physics lesson. POA. oral starts.
wad to do? test haven study. math hmwk haven do. physics hmwk haven touch. POA dun understand. oral haven practice (mine is next week). i'm so dead.

i cant slp. i cannot concentrate. i cant do work. i cant smile.
i wan to slp. i wan to concentrate. i wan to do work. i wan to be happy.

i m dead.

chalet

the chinese class chalet end yesterday. it was so fun. although not many of them went to the chalet, but i think is still ok. hahax.. wad to say? too many things happening in the chalet. dunno wad to say.. hahax.. nvm.. happy 就好. hahax..

for now, have to start finishing all my hmwk. if cannot finish, den i m dead. many many things to do. tmr still have step down ceremony in sch. 8 have to go sch le. but den 11.30 den start. haiz.. so 麻烦. still have to wear full u somemore. irritating. frustrating. so pai seh.. haiz. forget it. the last time to wear alr. 算了.

thank you. u pei me the whole day yesterday. thanks a lot. i m veri happy.

your birthday..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

MAY ALL UR DREAMS COME TRUE...

=)

dotz....

holiday lessons end le. there r lots of hmwk to do. haven start on any yet. today went to watch movie. veri funny. hahax.. den after tt walk around the mall. then went to whitesands to return story book. but i also borrowed a book call 小王子. i haven read yet. hope is nice. =D

haiz.. sianz.. nothing to do.. now veri tired. wan to play PS.. but cannot.. haiz.. trying to think of something to blog.. haiz.. nvm lah.. dun write le.. veri sianz. nth to write about also. BYE BYE!

tired.

today is a long long tired day.. SPA 3 for physics. bye bye le. haiz.. after SPA 3 got the stupid stupid physics tutorial. after the tutorial, play da di with mr heng. den i pour water on him. but i oso got poured by him so not fun. sianz.. stilll have to hmwk later..

these few weeks, cannot focus in class. not listening to teacher. but i try to. n i did it. i cannot believe i did it juz becos of him. i promise him we will jia you together de. so everytime i feel like slping, i remind myself tt i promise him i wont let him see any Cs in my results.. n maybe tt somehow give me energy. hahax.. lame..

got back my report book today.. terrible results.. haiz.. fail 2.. dun talk abt it le.. later results will be out below.

'Holidays'

I 'love' the June 'holidays'. They just 'rocks'. =D

This is my EVERYDAY schedule:
1. Reach school by 7.30AM.
2. Have the morning assembly.
3. Take attendance.
4. Go back to class for 2hr lessons.
5. After lessons, 1/2hr recess.
6. Take Attendance.
7. After recess, another 2hr lessons.
8. 12.30PM end school.
9. Have lunch.
10. Back to school by 1.25PM for lessons until 5PM.

Why this year O' levels? Really hate it! Just finish some work, and I don't feel like doing anymore. Maybe I'll do it later.

Now so sian. What to do? Haiz.

Guess which is ME?!